What the Cameras Don't Show!

You don't see Vicki burning her green skirt and top after seeing it on television. (She is wearing them in the kitchen scene with Donn.) She couldn't wait until the Housewives Burning of Attire Ceremony we have planned for June after viewing all the episodes. You don't see the makers of Illuma, a new radio frequency wrinkle treatment, offering me some sessions to velvetize my "yucky 60-year-old neck." Actually, I think it looks an inelegant 92-year-old's in this episode. Check it out in the restaurant scene with Scott, it's truly awful. As a baby, Bianca use to tweak my neck when she was nursing. A dear friend, who was a physician, used to tell me to train Bianca to stop because it was breaking down the collagen. Whew, she wasn't kidding! I love the memory of her little hand, and my wrinkled neck is worth it. I will, however, let you know how the Illuma treatments work out. You don't see the crew showing up at my house after shooting Shane playing pool. They held a lively debate as to whether or not a 24-year-old with stepchildren counted as a "mom." What do you think? I'm fairly certain any of the crew would have labeled Jo anything she wanted to be around her. She is beautiful. You don't see that when Vicki and Donn were pulled over in Havasu, one of the policemen did not have his shirt on. He was quite the stud muffin and Vicki became giddy. She was giggling and trying not to reach out and touch him. Clearly the cameraman was male and missed this juicy bit. Also, he and the rest of the crew assumed the boat ride would be under two hours. After five hours of bouncing around they were sunburned and grateful for Vicki's picnic. We also don't get to see Donn's amazing tricks on the wake board. It was quite a sight.

You don't see six men frantically washing my windows the hour before Travis's party so they would sparkle for the cameras. You don't see eighteen six- and seven-year-olds taking turns dancing on the table to the Black Eyed Peas. (Bravo didn't have the rights to the songs.) I wonder where Travis developed that propensity? You also can't see the most raucous squirt gun, silly string fight involving numerous parents, cameramen, sound men, crew members and children (think Charlie Chaplin and pies) obliterating any sparkle on the aforementioned windows. The cameras missed the disappointment in Travis's eyes when he realized the crew could not film at Disneyland or the go-cart place. They also missed the illuminating smile on Travis's wet, silly string-covered face at the end of his backyard party.

You don't see that with Lauri the crew waited at the courthouse for many hours. They discussed their discontented teen years and decided their indiscretions were far worse and more experimental than Josh's. They just were never caught. We really like these guys so I won't give the details. Maybe we could blackmail them for something, hmmmm.

You don't see Lauri explaining to Ashley that when you make up a reason about missing work, pick one and stick to it. Three separate reasons is a bit suspect. You also don't see Ashley realizing that 90% of what she owned was in her repossessed car: clothes, jewelry, loan documents — which she needed to reclaim the car, her stereo and cds, her favorite lipstick, the current car payment in an unstamped envelope, everything but the dog. Then you don't see Lauri paying a large sum of money to retrieve Ashley's car therefore solving any babysitting dilemmas for the next year. Also, Lauri really does handle all of these hurdles with grace. She doesn't ever scream, screech or yell.