Grow Up

This week started a bit slow, but there were some highpoints. I have to admit that mama Tamra looked beautiful and that doctor will be busy for the next 5 years. Tamra, he should be giving you free everything for life.  If not, give him my number and I'll set him straight. Also, and I preface this by saying I have many wardrobe regrets this season, but Tamra, pull that puffy sleeve purple people-eater blouse out of your closet, put it on ebay, send to consignment or give to someone you detest. That shirt was wearing you.

Lynne's conversation with her mother was like watching two stoners look at sand. Lynne said her father ran a tight ship.  Well her ship is as loose as a goose and those maniacs are running rampant. Her mother said it right when she said enabler, and you can bet your ass that car is the first thing I'd pull because we all know what a great combination fast cars and drinking are. Lynn needs to brace herself this week.  I've got a few words in her direction.  I loved when she said "sometimes I spoil the girls too much."  YA THINK???

Poor Jeff. I do not know how the hell they allowed a camera into that house.  To you, the viewer, I am telling you that it is the most invasive, toxic experience and like being under a hot white spotlight for hours. He looked like a dying man (which we now know was the case) and it is simply unnecessary and uncomfortable to watch.  It really is unbelievable how quickly an illness will age you. And I'm sorry for saying what everyone is thinking, but that whole scene just felt a little too Anna Nicole for me.

I'm certainly no angel, and I've given many a run for their money, but she went to Vegas the minute he got home? Ouch. One one hand, I can't imagine how draining it is, and I think she just wants it to be over. However, there is a camera in her face and she is doing a good job at selling whatever it is that she's selling.
Taco night was sweet and loving and normal and made me happy.  They seem to be on the up and up, and there wasn't any thick tension. Also, Vicki, those taco shells looked good.  I notice that you took soft flour tortillas and pan-fried them instead of buying the yellow corn fried ones. Yum.  I'm now craving tacos.

As for Vegas, that looked like quite a fun time. The party whistle?? The shaking of the ass? GRETCHEN.  We see you. You're hot.  We get it.  Now grow up.

I love Jeana. That's all I have to say. I thought it was so funny when she said Lynne was boring which is a massive understatement and not her fault because she has no brain.

Tamra thankfully brought the funbags, and for some reason her leopard and green ruffled shirts and costumes don't bother me at all. I giggled when she "busted" in, blackjack-bust being the operative word.

The gambling was painful.  I'm no Gloria Allred, but women have come so far, and how intrinsically unintelligent do you have to be to want to act more stupid.  The dumb blonde act is so degrading and the men that are attracted to that will be on to the next Barbie doll in seconds. Use your brain. That rack will be on the floor, your eyes will sink and black circles will be your new best friends. Working your looks and goo goo ga ga stupidity will get you absolutely nowhere.

Vicki was juvenile about the blue cheese olive martinis. Here I am putting my future children through college because of skinnygirl margaritas (in stores nationwide this summer) and Vicki is staking claim on a drink that I have even had before. Please everyone: steal the skinnygirl cocktails.  Tell your friends. Tell them to tell theirs.
The best is that Lynn is a vegetarian, or make that a crabalobsterashrimpaclamatarian. Hahahahaha. She grabbed that seafood claw like it was her job.  Lynn sweetheart, crab isn't a vegetable, so put the bong down, pick up the lobster cracker and get some horseradish for your cocktail sauce.

Equally amusing is that Lynne doesn't know if she has air conditioning.  Does she know if she has a vagina because it is almost equally as obvious.  I also loved when Lynne made a toast to her friends and said I love you.  I'm thinking: um, none of these women are your friends.

I loved Jeana's line to the 25 year old asking where his father was and saying she would need 2 of him. She has a very, calm and relaxed nature this season and comes up with some funny stuff without even trying.

I still love me my Tamra, Vicki and Jeana the best. Lynne is a helium balloon and Gretchen is successfully trying too hard to be one of Hefner's blonde bimbos. Ouch!