Hot Pink Mess

Well, this episode began like a hot pink mess. The Gretchen/Ryan interaction in the bathroom was embarrassing and could happen to anyone single. Whether Gretchen is single or not is for the jury to decide. As for the many messages I received for liking Tamra the best, everyone can settle down. I'm not naming her the CEO of my company. In the land of entertaining reality television shows, simply put, she is good TV. Gretchen, however, is on her tail for most entertaining blonde housewife.

Jeana was a sympathetic character this week. Her lack of motivation, low-grade depression and inability to rally to workout is relatable and very common. Most people can relate to this. I am immediately going to send her a copy of my upcoming book Naturally Thin: Unleash Your Skinnygirl and Free Yourself From a Lifetime of Dieting. Jeana is beautiful and I am going to help her unleash her skinnygirl pronto.

The stay-at-home mom day was amusing and Tamra certainly brought her two flotation devices. Either her breasts were stung by bees or she did get some more pushing in those cushions. I didn't agree that Gretchen had boob envy. Gretchen's breasts look great. Gretchen's flotation devices were used for her dogs.

I felt terrible when Vicki fell at her party. I have definitely had my share of spills, and her son is grumpy and negative and should be as sweet and supportive as Donn. I really want to meet the person who has never had an embarrassing moment.

Now to Lynne. I've been harsh on her, but I have to give her a compliment. I think "cuff love" is a great name and I thought the cuffs were actually interesting, chic and some were very nice. I'm sure, however, that she hasn't registered the trademark (I've registered several and it is costly) and if she is serious about this business, she needs a good patent lawyer and to get on that ASAP. Congrats on Fred Segal. That business is no picnic. She should keep it small, at home and not get ahead of herself. It is a trendy item, and I learned all about the world of accessories with my former business Princess Pashmina (I was one of the largest importers nationwide.) Lynne, beware. That business is brutal and should not be treated as a part-time venture. Her daughter Alexa seems sweet and I like that she is exploring her creative side and pitching in.

How can I even take the conversation with Jeana that Gretchen had about the ex-wife. First, if Jeff is dying, it is understandable that others that he has loved and had children with would want to be around. Second, how to even prioritize the wives? Hugh Hefner would be a good one to call about this, and I won't be surprised if there will be a Gretchen playboy moment forthcoming. The man is dying, well he is actually no longer with us now, but I still have a difficult time taking anyone seriously who would marry a man with 5 ex-wives (much less a hot blonde who gets wasted and hits on friends' sons.)

It was funny that Vicki said she didn't like to mix personal and business. I know she meant that she wouldn't have a girlfriend work for her, but it was funny that she said it while on her computer and PDA on a girls' outing to Fred Segal. I respect her work ethic. I'm worse than she is. The vibrator comment that Gretchen made was simply distasteful. We all understand that she isn't "getting any," but some things are best left unsaid. She said it was like a graduation pen. Well, it seems that when she graduates from her current relationship, she'll have a diamond encrusted vibrator to show for it.

Jeana was the funniest part of the vibrator scenes. She had no clue what it was and her delivery was hilarious. Vicki was great when she came over to the toys and said, "we love those." They were totally charming and it didn't seem to lack taste. It's not always the content, but the delivery. It was ironic that Gretchen's scent was joie naivete which means naive joy. Everyone is wondering whether or not she is naive. We know she experiences joy, but I don't think she's naive.

As for the "I'm engaged to a dying rich man" lunch conversation, I see both sides. It is vulgar to shotgun marry someone to have rights to their money and I couldn't imagine that kind of a conversation in a hospital. If he is a good man, he has planned for Gretchen during this process. Jill Zarin would agree with Jeana and Vicki and say that you need to be prepared, and I understand that aspect too. Gretchen better have that conversation or be prepared to support herself.

As for Lynne having an issue with Vicki and Jeana's concern about money, well, they earned their money, so they are totally qualified to have this conversation. Gretchen and Lynne haven't made their own money, so they are in the weaker position. That is my unsolicited advice to every woman. Find a way to be self-sufficient and then the choices are all yours. In this conversation, Lynne is a bit of a nitwit for not understanding the reality of the situation. I doubt Ryan Barney can afford the lifestyle that Gretchen has become accustomed to.