The Definition Of Insanity

There's a new housewife in town and she prides herself on being obsessed with being young. How original. I do appreciate her honesty about the topic, but her whole storyline seemed like a bit of a snooze, unlike Gretchen's burlesque party. I swear I'm not being ignorant when I ask: Is this what housewives, much less people in general, do for entertainment? Is this what men really like? I'm all for someone wanting to look hot, use toys and dance like a stripper, but I had no idea that this was the new Tupperware party. Whips and crops. Maybe I'm just not misbehaving enough, because I can't recall ever being whipped. I had no idea I was such a prude. Gretchen did look hot in those peacock feathers. Jeff and his family will be very proud. SOMEONE EXPLAIN.

I like Jeana and I think it is endearing that she is concerned about the absence of a man in the house. Jeana, Tamra and Vicki are all good mothers and have nothing to worry about. I didn't have either parent, and I'm a somewhat functioning adult. I believe that their children will all be OK and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Simply having mother figures around and knowing that you have a family is more than most have. As for the condom and no drunk driving advice on prom night, I actually thought it was sensible. No mother wants to think of either, but sex and drinking are at the forefront of a teenage boy's mind.

I think Briana is a good daughter and very sensible. Her thoughts about the boat are right on. The boat isn't practical. Boats suck money from your bank account and can't be compared to a house. When it rains, you can sit in and watch a movie. With a boat, you're screwed. I'm with Briana.

Lynne and Gretchen went shopping. Those girls have hot bodies. According to Gretchen, Lynne has positive qualities — she likes to go shopping, to work out and to take good care of herself. Please say there is more.

I thought it is great that Simon took the time to take Ryan to the driving range and it was cute when Tamra said "Simon knows everything." I'm not surprised that Ryan bailed on being a police officer - he is too old to be acting like a spoiled infant, which is what Tamra says he is. She really shouldn't be blaming herself for his irresponsibility. He is an adult and he needs to grow up and leave the nest. Tamra needs to stop enabling. Simon is a great role model for Ryan. He is regimented, sensible and responsible. Grow up, kid. His conversation with his friends about "not puking in a while" and his numerous traffic tickets was spoiled and moronic. He should take a hint from Vicki's daughter and son.

Tamra owned it and apologized to Gretchen for her mild case of tourettes. I laughed because I tell Ramona from my show that she has low-grade turrets. Happens to the best of us. She also confirmed what I had said — that this is all very high school. News flash — reality shows with five women is much like high school.

Lynne's conversation with her daughter about alcohol was bizarre. I'm not judging, because I was in nightclubs at 13, but I certainly wouldn't be entertaining my daughter's multitude of ways to cure a hangover. Lynne seems like she is on Valium and just lets it all roll right over her. Mucho bizarro! Oh, forgive me, she did tell her daughter that drinking was fattening. Maybe the new underage drinking campaign will be discussing its impact on one's vanity.

Kara is a badass tomboy. She is obviously very intelligent. Her reference to the word vagina as anatomy versus slang and her reference to being a republican shows she has sharp wit. It is no surprise that she got into Berkeley. Smart cookie.

I know this is reality, but please don't make me upset by showing Jeff's worsening condition and Gretchen's attempt to administer his food through a needle. As for Brianna and her male trust issues, I get it. We are the product of our parents' unresolved issues. It's no secret why I'm single. However, every man is different and there are so many wonderful men out there. She is lucky to have her mother and Donn and a great family. That is very rare. I also totally get why Vicki lashed out at Jeana. It is absurd to defend a man who doesn't want anything to do with his children regardless of their geography. The parent should be the parent for a lifetime and fight tooth and nail to see the child.

I also see why Brianna doesn't want to set herself up to get hurt. This isn't a movie of the week, and her father will probably continue the same patterns. "The definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior and expecting different results." I totally agree with this statement and Brianna should tread lightly. Vicki is right. There is no defense for an irresponsible man. This may just have hit too close to home for Jeana. Interesting week. Give me Jeana, Tamra and Vicki and you can keep the rest.

Until next week.