Does anyone really want a floppy tongue during a kiss?
During a boozy dinner in the Cayman Islands, the topic of the grande dame's 20th anniversary party came up — and Karen refreshed her pals' memories on her husband Ray's moves, saying, "I went to give him a kiss and he just slobbered me."
We wouldn't wish a bad kiss on our worst enemies, because bad kissing can be worse than no kissing at all.
The other wives were appropriately shocked and even more so when she added, "I don't think it went down my throat, though, because I sucked it," adding, "I cannot believe you don't know how to control your man's kiss."
Kissing is immensely personal, but no one wants to be labeled a bad kisser. A recent Psychology Today survey found that the best kisses were characterized by emotions of passion (35 percent), love (23 percent), anticipation or surprise (33 percent) rather who it was they kissed or the actual technique of the kisser.
As far as those cringeworthy kisses, the worst kisses were deemed so by the lack of spark or passion (25 percent), qualities of the kiss itself (52 percent), such as too much tongue or saliva, and feeling forced (9 percent).
Some people don't want the kisses controlled, while others need a take-charge man (or woman), and quality and technique are also important.
"Almost half (44 percent) dramatically lost romantic or sexual interest in a person as a result of kissing them. Women rated breath, body scent, degree of “wetness” of the kiss, amount of touching, and degree of pressure or firmness as more important than did me," PT reports. "Men and women did not differ in how important they found degree of tongue contact (average = quite important), lip movement, or taste."
Here's what you can do if you find yourself troubled by your new boo's kissing technique and you don't want to call it quits quite yet.
- Identify exactly what you don't like, be it teeth, tongue, pressure, breath, etc.
- Change up the technique. Even if you don't want to take control of kissing in general, here's your change to show-not-tell what you want to happen. Use your lips and tongue how you would like him or her to use theirs — mirroring works.
- Explain what you would enjoy, or be turned on by, being careful to phrase it using "I" statements about what you like and not accusatory "you" ones about what he or she is doing wrong.
- If that still doesn't work, try a three strikes method. If you've tried to lead him or her with demonstrations and explanations that are tied to what you like and they've done the same thing three times, you need to have a conversation about it directly, since it's safe to say they are not picking up on your other hints.
And remember, practice doesn't always make perfect... but it helps.
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