If your partner is mad at someone, should you be, too?
If it's Lisa Vanderpump and Ken Todd, then that's always the case. And with Vanderpump Rules' Stassi Schroeder and Beau Clark, they're learning that loyalty in a relationship often involves taking each other's side against other people — even if that person is your mom.
We saw Stassi's mom, Dayna Schroeder, insult her this season as she advised her daughter to not be herself with Beau, because that would drive him away. Ouch. It was uncomfortable to watch, and hurtful for Stassi to hear, so much so that she admits in the Vanderpump Rules Season 7 After Show above that the two currently aren't speaking. And that means Beau isn't speaking to her either.
"Well I’m not talking to my mom right now, therefore, they’re not talking right now," Stassi says of Beau and her mom. "They did get along, like we all did, until... Now it’s just Beau’s respecting my wishes. It has to do with me, and I’m just taking a breather."
It may not be great for Beau and Stassi's mom, but his loyalty will make his relationship with Stassi even stronger. It shows he supports her and it also legitimizes her feelings.
According to The Nicola Method, we care "a great deal more than we know" about what our partner thinks of us. "When they act like they don’t care, a hidden sensitivity is triggered," says the report. "Even though we may not be consciously aware of how much we need our spouse to care about what we think, most of us would have to agree that no one can ruffle our feathers as much as our spouse when it comes to seeing things our way.
So while we may think our upset is too trivial to bring up, when we don’t, our hurt feelings can easily turn into a grudge. What happens next is later on when we notice our partner wanting us to understand their point of view, a little part of us that is still miffed from being rebuffed can’t help but want to treat our spouse the same way we think they treated us, and sometimes a little worse just to really get the point across. Of course, our unsuspecting partner now feels snubbed for no reason. Now their feelings are hurt and what happens? They do the same thing back to us. Once there have been a few volleys back and forth with each one increasing the cold shoulder to make sure that point is made, it is not surprising that both partners may want to retreat."
For a solid future together, "your partner will be loving and supportive, making you feel as though you have a backbone, and that you’re a team," the report elaborates.
"They’ll show you the strength in how much they believe in you, in them, and in your relationship. They’ll let you know that they’ll continue to stay by your side, hand in hand, making you feel reassured that they’re with you, and aren’t going anywhere, regardless of what people say or think, or they will distance themselves from the people that don’t approve, accept, or love you," The Nicola Method concluded.
Even if that person happens to be your mom.
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