In honor of Ex-Files Week, The Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Siggy Flicker is taking over Bravotv.com as Guest Editor. For one whole week the relationship expert is sharing advice for those just getting out of a relationship and those trying to stay in one. She also has a lot of opinions when it comes to your favorite celebrities’ love lives. It’s all leading up to our new series A Night With My Ex, which explores what happens when former couples reunite…for one night only. Check back each day for exclusive content straight from Siggy herself, and don’t forget to catch the premiere on Tuesday, July 18 at 10/9c.
When people are heading towards a divorce or heading towards a break up, it doesn’t just happen on a Monday and by Wednesday they’re gone. There are signals months or years in advance. Listen to those signs.
1. You're Not Spending Time Together
If you start spending time without each other, that’s the first sign. People who love being around each other love to be together. When it's your time off work, you guys should be together. A lot of couples that come to me say they used to go out on Wednesday nights and Saturday nights, and now they're no longer going out. They’re hanging out in the house, they’re feeling down, they don’t want to get dressed or make plans with other people. Those are signs that there is trouble in a relationship.
It doesn’t matter what your budget is. You could have a glass of wine and an appetizer somewhere. But usually people who are not happy tend to make excuses and stop going out.
2. You're Not Enjoying Each Other's Hobbies Together
Couples get together because they have something in common. My sister Camille loves to workout, hike, bike, swim with her other half. They do everything together. She says, “The day that he stops doing things with me, those are the signs that there’s something wrong in the marriage."
My husband and I get up on Saturdays when we’re both not working. We’ll take the car out—he loves to take out his vintage cars—and we’ll go riding. You know, if I had to go shopping or do a return, Michael will come with me. You have to always check your relationship and make sure it’s a priority for you.
3. You're Not Having Sex, And You're Not Talking About It
A lot of couples don’t have sex anymore. Why don’t they have sex anymore? They don’t talk about it. There are real serious signs in every relationship where there are cracks in the foundation and you have to be able to repair those cracks and put glue in them and piece them back together. Because if you don’t, the relationship is over. It’s over and done.
4. The Arguing Takes a Turn
There’s normal arguing, but when you're no longer being considerate and going below the belt, then you know that there are signs of trouble. Every partner knows the other’s weakness, whether it’s a body part they’re insecure over or they're bald and losing their hair or unhappy with their job. When you start to use these things in arguments and start to criticize family, friends, step-children, it says we need help here.
5. Your Gut Tells You You're Not Happy
When you listen to your gut and you’re not happy, immediately start talking about it. Immediately seek help or talk about it. If you can’t talk to one another, then go get professional help. People who go for professional help are the smartest people in the world. To admit that your relationship needs help only means you want to improve it. So when you’re going out and seeking counseling, it only means that, "Hey, I want to salvage this. I really want to work on this." So those early signs are imperative to listen to. Don’t sweep them under the rug. If you have a hard time talking to one another, have a third party there.
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