And the Top 10 Name Choices for April the Giraffe’s Baby Are…

…well, they’re disappointing, to say the least.

 

The birth of April the giraffe’s calf was big news, to say the least. Nearly 1.2 million people livestreamed her labor, and when the baby—a boy—finally arrived happily and healthily, 1.2 million people breathed a collective sigh of relief (and then immediately shrieked “Squee!!!”).

So if you think his birth was highly anticipated, just imagine the naming. Animal Adventure Park in Harpursville, New York, smartly decided to use the calf’s christening as a fundraising event. Anybody was able to submit a name suggestion—all they had to do was donate $5.

The good news: The top 10 names have been selected. The better news: You can vote for your favorite (each vote costs $1, with a minimum of five votes, and proceeds will be split between giraffe conservation efforts in the wild and Ava’s Little Heroes, a campaign that supports local families with unexpected medical expenses).

The bad news: The names aren’t very good.

Here are the top 10 contenders in alphabetical order:

  • Alyssa’s Choice (meaning that the calf’s keeper, Alyssa, will get to name him)
  • Apollo
  • Geoffrey
  • Gio
  • Harpur
  • Noah
  • Ollie
  • Patch
  • Patches
  • Unity

With all due respect, where the hell are Spotty McLongNeck and Necky O’Leafeater?!

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