I’m just going to give it to you straight. Please stop cheating on Jennifer Lopez. It’s very confusing to us regular folk.
For one, she is the rare phenomenon of woman who is aging backwards without any visible signs of plastic surgery gone bust. She literally looks the same as she did when she starred in The Wedding Planner. Which was released in 2001. In the time since, her co-star Matthew McConaughey has lost an entire head of hair then found it again. Meanwhile, she’s like the Benjamin Button of the Bronx, looking 37 at 47—and on her next birthday in July 2017 she’ll age down to 36. Watch. In 2020 she'll be 33.
She can sing and dance and she had a great ass on her before big butts were a thing the Kardashians turned mesmerizing/grotesque.
I saw J.Lo in real life three times in my life. Once, enjoying dinner at The Polo Bar with her sister, where I saw her wearing diamond hoops and eating a french fry, once at a pre-Oscar party in Los Angeles, where she wore a full length white fur coat in a rainstorm and texted all night next to her manager Benny Medina, and once in a drop-top Rolls Royce at 2 A.M. at a stoplight on the Upper East Side with Sean “Puffy” Combs months after they broke up, but that one could have been a hallucination.
My main takeaways were that she really does glow, she's on her phone a lot, and her jewelry is really bling-blingy. None of which would cause someone to cheat.
Jenny from the block also works like she’s just starting her career, not in the middle of it. At any given time, she’s starring in Shades of Blue on TV, headlining a residency at Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino in Las Vegas, making a Spanish language album with her ex-husband, Marc Anthony, being a mom of twins, collaborating with Lin-Manuel Miranda, and generally looking really expensive 24/7.
So why, with all the magic J.Lo is made of, does she keep getting cheated on by idiots?
Now comes reports she dumped her on-again, off-again boyfriend, Casper Smart, a 26 year old backup dancer who she made famous by dating him, because he cheated on her and got caught—twice. “It happened two years ago, and he promised he would never do it again and once he did, she was done,” a source told People. “The truth is, he was cheating and now that it’s over he’s been begging to come back.”
Why, Casper? Why? But he’s also not the first.
Ben Affleck allegedly cheated on her too. Before their engagement ended in 2004, (ah, Bennifer) Ben was caught getting lapdances at a strip club while they were in the middle of planning a wedding, then allegedly hooked up with one of the girls. Following the news, Jennifer wanted to go ahead with the ceremony, putting a ”no-cheating" prenup agreement in place. Bennifer split anyway, with Jennifer calling the split her “first big heartbreak.”
Before that, Jennifer famously dated Puffy and has said publicly since that he drove her nuts with his cheating ways.
“I was in this relationship with Puff where I was totally crying, crazy and going nuts, it really took my whole life in a tailspin,” she told Vibe after their 2001 breakup.
She admitted she’d try to catch him in the act and bang on hotel room doors looking for him.
“I can’t remember right now, but I won’t say it didn’t happen,” she said. “I never caught him but I just knew. He’d say he was going to a club for a couple of hours and then never come back that night. I had to think, do I want to be home with kids in 10 years wondering where somebody is at three in the morning?”
If J.Lo is always getting cheated on, what hope is there for us regular civilians with deflated butts and dry, patchy, unglowing skin?
Is it jealously because she’s famous and powerful? Did she outshine her men? Or is cheating just what most guys do, especiallywhen they are famous? As Chris Rock says, “Men are as faithful as their options. If they have no opportunity to cheat, they won’t.” Halle Berry’s been cheated on, so has Gwen Stefani. Both outrageously beautiful women.
Guys, please stop cheating on Jennifer. She deserves to be happy. You’re not going to do any better. And we don’t want any more “Dear Ben” songs. Thanks.
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