Help! Have A Jealous Friend Who Wants Everything You Have?

You may be an adult, but it exists. 

You know that one friend who never seems happy with anything you have – until she has it too? That was the case for Angela.

“I had this one girlfriend for a while who was always sizing up my stuff. Then I’d see her in a similar look or hitting up a restaurant I had posted on Instagram,” shares Angela, a publicist from New York City. It didn’t bother her much - until it came to the purse.

“I found this amazing purse and she asked me a million questions about it, including where I got it. Which I told her,” Angela recalls. “She started hunting it down, but it must have sold out. Then she accused me of lying about where I got it to make sure she couldn’t have the same one.”

“How your friends react when something great occurs for you can tell you more about them than about you, including whether they are really your friend or not,” says relationship expert and Access Consciousness facilitator Dr. Kacie Crisp, Dr. Kacie Crisp, author of The Little Black Book on Relationships. “There are people who believe that if anyone has more than they do, the person who has more should give it to them.”

Dr. Kacie adds, “There are many people in the world who cannot create. They can only copy. They are the mentality behind Rocky II, III and IV. There’s no need to be angry with them. They should almost be pitied, if anything, because their capacity to create their own lives is so much less than yours.”

That still can get pretty annoying. So what can you do about it?

“Most of the people we call friends, for want of a better word, are at best acquaintances or associates—not truly friends,” Dr. Kacie explains.

So use judgment on how much you put into the relationship. “If you have fun being with them, go ahead. Just don’t be surprised when their lack of kindness or caring shows up, as it must inevitably do.”

If they are truly a friend and are happy for you, you could help them move beyond copying you into finding their own voice. “Something like, ‘Yes, isn’t it great, and what would it take for you to create something like this or even better?’ That’s giving your friend a tool,” Dr. Kacie suggests.

If it continues to annoy you that people only seem to copy you, you could change your point of view and accept that as a compliment.

“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery,” Dr. Kacie declares. “If you realized the copiers may not have an original thought in their heads, would you be angry with them, or feel sorry for them? You could remind yourself they’re just showing you how cool you are!”

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