On sweltering summer days it’s tough to move a few inches without breaking a sweat, let alone tax our brain cells trying to decide what to cook, eat, drink or buy. So here’s a thought: Why not let the stars decide? Lucky Peach just came out with their July food horoscopes, and frankly we’re wishing we were born in all the star signs at the same time. That might make us totally insane, but at least we’d be well-fed. Here, a few of the foods you should get your hands on ASAP if they match up with your star sign.
If you're a Cancer: Linguini with clams
"On a calm day, make a plate of linguine, herbs, garlic, and clams and think serenely about someone you hate. Wish ’em love instead," writes Lucky Peach's food astrologer, Amy Rose Spiegel. Apparently, it's all about clams for the crab sign this month. But you don't have to bother cooking at all. She says to "take yourself out to dinner if you get sad. It’s summer! I suggest you hit up a seafood shanty of your choosing."
If you're a Scorpio: Pizza
Ideally you'd make one at home; just don't buy those bagged dough circles. They're a sure sign that "we're failing as a people," Spiegel writes. Need topping ideas? Sundried tomatoes, red onions and oregano, she suggests (wait, are sundried tomatoes back? again?). Another set of food horoscopes, via Spoon University, claims Scorpios "love a good spicy dish," so you might go with hot peppers, steak and salad, also supposedly beloved by Scorpios. Just please keep those away from our pizza.
If you're a Taurus: Sautéed kale
You've lucked out: It doesn't get much easier than sautéed kale. 'You’re preparing for a significant change to your routine, or perhaps the execution of a project at which you’ve been hard at work, so think about some recipes that will take only a whisker of effort," Siegel writes. And if you're transfixed by kale, like seemingly every human living in the U.S. right now, then you're even more psyched by her choice for you.
If you're Gemini: Peking duck
To be more specific: a Peking duck party. Lucky Peach sends you to Martha Stewart for a recipe that claims to pull off the dish for eight people in less than an hour. If you want to go hard-core, try Serious Eats' more elaborate, from-scratch version. Either way, if you're as rightfully gaga over Peking duck as we are (and we're not Gemini), you might want to thank your stars. Your guests will too.
Check out Lucky Peach's food horoscopes for all 12 star signs here.
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