Secrets of A Successful Marriage, From A Guy’s Point Of View

One man weighs in on his marriage of 20 years.

Andrew and his wife Kayla have been married for two decades—and the New York City couple both say that their relationship is even better now than it was when they first met at a Melrose Place viewing party nearly 25 years ago. 

So how have these lucky two bucked the odds and lasted a quarter of a century when The American Psychological Association states that 40 to 50 percent of marriages still end in divorce? We decided to get the secrets straight from the (male) source.

Andrew has several reasons why his marriage has been a success.

“Personally, I knew not to even consider marriage in my twenties,” confesses the documentary producer, who wed at age 34. “I was too self-centered. I didn’t know who I was yet, and you’ve got to be able to really give yourself to another person for a marriage to last.”

The couple dated for four years “though she would have liked to been at the altar sooner,” Andrew says with a laugh. 

According to a study conducted by data analyst Randy Olson, couples who do date three or more years have a 39 percent lower divorce rate. 

“It gave me a chance to learn how to love her unconditionally,” Andrew shares.

In their marriage, Andrew follows three simple rules to keep it a happy and healthy one: make the other person laugh, do your part as a teammate, and find common interests. 

“Don’t take yourself too seriously at all times,” Andrew advises. “If you can crack each other up and you’re willing, in some cases, to make them feel better at your expense, it’s the exact right thing to do.”

He often thinks in terms of lightening Kayla’s load, and laughing can help do that.

Before saying, “I do,” Andrew worried about the married version of himself. “It was a complete unknown,” he admits. But he knew if he made it about “them,” and not “I,” he’d be on the right track. 

“Put the relationship before you, hands down,” Andrew declares. Being good friends first makes that an easy day-to-day accomplishment.

How they find common ground?

“We found something very early on that we were really good at, and that’s travel,” he says, adding that it helps to get them out of their daily routine. 

“It also challenges us to see how we do with each other in a completely different environment.” 

They dealt with their biggest personal crisis together while overseas. 

“During a trip to Russia, Kayla was hospitalized. And those vows—for better or worse—really hit hard for the first time.” He stresses the outcome was positive one. “It was meant to test us, and what’s great is we came through it as a united front. And we’re stronger for it.”

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