So They Won’t Introduce You To Their Family or Friends, What Now?

"Is he ashamed of me?" asks one woman it's happened to. 

Janice had been dating Mark for about three months. “We were seeing each other on the weekends and sometimes during the week,” she shares. And Janice, an accounting administrator from Palm Beach, Fla., had incorporated him into all aspects of her life. She had taken him to an office party, invited him to a wedding and introduced him to her sister when her sibling flew in from out of town. “All that stuff has gone really well. But he hasn’t reciprocated,” she says. “I haven’t met any of his family or friends. I know I shouldn’t be freaking out over it, but I keep thinking, ‘Why hasn’t he introduced me? Is he ashamed of me?”

If your man isn’t making any effort to bring you into his world, that could be a relationship red flag. “Sounds like he’s not making an emotional investment in the future of your relationship,” declares relationship expert Fran Greene, author of the upcoming book Dating Again with Courage and Confidence.

“That’s different than the current state of your relationship. He’s loving that he’s having fun and enjoying all you have to offer in the moment.”

Which may be great for him. But if you’re invested in more than just a good time now, it can be a roadblock.

So how do you get closer – to his friends and family? Fran suggests that you just ask.

“Try telling him, ‘It would be so nice to meet your family,’ or ‘I’d love to go out with so and so friend,’ and watch his reaction.” Some guys may just think you’re happy with the status quo, which is why they haven’t tried to introduce you to their clan. “But if he says ‘not now,’ or pushes the notion away, take note,” Fran advises.

If that doesn’t seem to get you anywhere, you may want to ask if there a reason he doesn’t want you to meet his family or friends. “He could have a valid one – maybe he has a bad relationship with his parents and doesn’t like the way they treat him. That can open doors of communication about the future of your relationship.”

If it’s because he’s embarrassed that you have major differences– like in age, race or socio-economic stature – that’s his issue. “You may need to reevaluate why he’s involved with you in the first place,” Fran declares.

Taking it one step even further, you might need to do a background check on your man. Now, we’re not saying he’s harboring a homicidal double life, “but he may be married, or have another relationship, and that’s why his keeping you apart from his world,” Fran says.

“Do your due diligence and make sure you’re not being conned.”

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