This Woman Was A Dominatrix, Now She's Giving Lessons On Everything She Learned

"It allowed me to explore that side of myself," she says. 

Chains and whips excite Rihanna in her hit song “S&M,” but would you ever considered grabbing a pair yourself to be the dominant one in the bedroom?

“One of the great things about it is that it gives you permission to be in charge in a way women often aren’t allowed to be in their daily lives,” says Jenny Nordbak, a former dominatrix and author of the new book, The Scarlett Letters: My Secret Year of Men in an LA Dungeon.

“You’re suddenly given permission to step into that role where you are in control and allowed be as assertive as you want. It’s a rush.”

Jenny got her start in the dominatrix world after realizing she had a mountain of college debt to pay, and had never really found her voice in past relationships. One day she stumbled upon a working dungeon in her Los Angeles neighborhood that was hiring - no experience necessary. “It allowed me to explore that side of myself in a controlled environment,” she shares. “It was a really good side hustle that was empowering.”

And yes, Jenny’s had some pretty famous clientele, including one who wanted to be led around on a leash attached to his private parts. “It’s really exciting for men when women step into their full feminine power,” she explains. “And it’s thrilling for them to surrender that control to someone else.”

Ok, maybe your man would be willing to be submissive – but how do you even broach the subject of a little harmless BDSM?

“A conversation, transparency and consent are key,” Jenny exclaims. Once boundaries are set, here are just a few suggestions Jenny offers for an unforgettable S&M experience of your very own.

Try a blindfold. “Wearing a blindfold is exciting because it makes you anticipate your partner’s every touch and wonder what will happen next. It’s also liberating because it allows you to focus on the fantasy and go wherever you want in your mind.” Use it to take away the awkwardness of seeing yourselves in these new roles, and enjoy the sensory experience instead.

Jenny says don't be so intense and definitely don't act scary - maybe experiment with simple bondage.

“A basic wrist bind or some wrist cuffs can give the feeling of being powerless without having to get into any kind of elaborate rope work,” Jenny says. “I would suggest keeping things light and sensual the first time one partner is tied up, but you could start to experiment with impact play or toys if it goes well.”

Silence can be golden, Jenny says. “I have rarely heard anyone suggest this incredibly simple trick, but it’s amazing how much it heightens your senses when you can’t hear,” she says.

"It works like a gag since your bound partner won’t talk much as they’d sound funny, but it leaves their mouth available,” she teases.

Overall, Jenny explains if you dip your (tied-up) toe into this world, here is a start:

“Have your partner wear ear plugs, a gag, binds and a blindfold and lie down on the bed. Leave him or her there for several moments doing nothing but anticipating what will happen next. When they can’t speak, hear, or see, sense of time becomes distorted. They will become obsessed with every sensation,” Jenny explains. Using different textures and objects will leave them wondering what will happen next. “Sensory deprivation is incredibly powerful—it can turn a mundane touch from your partner you’ve felt a thousand times into something electric and intense.”

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