Turkeys Are Terrorizing Boston in an Attempt to Reclaim Thanksgiving

We’re living in the turkeys’ America now.

A few days ago, a big ol’ bunch of wild turkeys were spotted on the loose in Harvard Square in Boston. No one knows where they came from or what they were doing, but we’ve decided to speculate wildly: The turkeys know Thanksgiving is on the horizon and they’re not havin’ it.

While wild turkeys are often regulars in the Boston suburbs, they rarely make their way into the city proper. In fact, when a singular wild turkey came onto the Harvard Square scene back in January, it was international news. But now that we see the turkey throngs that have eerily emerged mere days before we gather to eat them, we can’t help but wonder: Was Original Harvard Square turkey installed as the Number One in this long-planned Thanksgiving coup?

Before you accuse us of spouting conspiracy theory, witness the photos below. The good people of Cambridge took it upon themselves to try and herd the turkeys to safety, but the wild birds were all, “WE’RE ONTO YOU. WE KNOW THAT ‘SAFETY’ IS CODE WORD FOR ‘OVEN’” and flapped about their business.

Is this the end of Thanksgiving as we know it? Probably not, but it’s one poultry of a coincidence. Godspeed ye turkeys, and happy Thanksgiving, everybody!  

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