Beyond Bravo

Here's What Throwing Around The "D" Word Actually Does To a Marriage

Our brains are wired to never forget some words. 

Just say "dog" or "DustBuster." Whatever you do, don't say...I want a…DIVORCE!

It’s the worst thing you can shout in a fight with your other half—unless you really, totally, truly mean it. 

Famed New York doctor Errol Gluck says that it can—and will—poison a marriage if you throw the dreaded D word around impetuously instead of thinking about how seriously it can hurt your partner. 

So don’t just throw it out there. 

“Words translate into integrated emotions,” explains Dr. Gluck. “Whereas you may not remember a TV show that doesn’t hit you emotionally, the word ‘divorce’ brings fear and panic and threat.”

Dr. Gluck says that even if you say "sorry" after throwing out the big D, the brain is programmed so that it doesn’t have the ability to lose words, which is why it’s so harmful.

“You can’t lose what you heard, you can only reinterpret words,” he says. “It creates a level of distress that feeds off another level.”

He advises to never, ever say the word in a fight, and to only use it in conversation if that is your actual plan and you nee dot tell your partner. 

“Unless you’re serious about doing it, it should never be used,” he says. 

Instead, while in a fight, couples should use the following way to communicate. Dr. Gluck suggests saying “if we keeps going this way, we will lose respect for each other,” or something along those lines. 

He says in the heat of the moment to stop, sit down, and as yourself this question:

“Am I trying to hurt, scare or actually inform this person that that is my decision?”

“If you want any chance of healing from a fight you go for the solution and not the problem,” he adds. “The solution is to up our communication and intimacy. We need to up our goals as a couple and go for the solution.”

This love doctor is wise. 

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