Brutal. There's just no other word to describe it. Unbelievably, horrifically brutal. But not even just in the most obvious ways -- like that pesky total-refusal-to-kiss-me-on-the-lips situation. I actually had an "oh, s--t" moment watching me walk on the beach with Chris, whom I genuinely liked, and interrogate him, rapid-fire, like Barbara Walters on seventeen cups of coffee. As in ,"Oh, s--t, I had NO IDEA how bad I really was." Ick. I wouldn't want to date me. So aggressive! And even if he DID give me explicit permission when he said he liked a girl to chase him, I still shouldn't have done it. Damn it!
In fact, I'm pretty sure the entire last section of that date should have just been stamped with an enormous red circle with an X through it, like a no smoking sign. NOOO! It's the kind of date that makes you believe in old-fashioned dating rules like never, ever, ever kiss the boy first. (I thought we had all moved beyond those rules! Apparently not.) Plus, one more very small point: I have not before, nor will I ever again, play spin the bottle after the age of 9. WHY DID I THINK THAT WOULD BE A GOOD PLAN? I don't know. But trust me when I say it was not. (Beach volleyball, on the other hand, was unexpectedly entertaining.)
First time watching this show and thought it was totally strange to tell a first date that you sleep with your dog all the time. No wonder he didn't give you a kiss goodnight.
I think you are beautiful. More beautiful than all the other "ladies" in the bravo club. You have a very unique face and a great voice and I love your hair! I caught the last 20 minutes of the second episode and just thought the whole time "why is this girl single?" I love outspoken women some of which are my best friends. Unfortunately men don't seem to like that. At least not in the beginning. I fell for a guy (and married him) who made me the center of attention. (in the beginning anyway) Keep him talking about himself. I think that is key. A date is not about you it's about him. Gives you that control without looking aggressive or dominate. Anyway. You are beautiful!!!! Oh and I think wearing sweats is very real so I see no reason to apologize about that. That makes me think you really do have self esteem issues. Oh and stop apologizing so much. There is no point. I am looking forward to watching you and hope you find THE ONE!
Julia, The first episode you were my (and my husband's) favorite. I am almost old enough to be your mother; and you could use a bit of dating advice. Grow up dear. We all had a pink room, played spin-the-bottle and acted immature... when we were young girls. Unless he is a pervert, no grown man is attracted to a child.
If you want a heterosexual man, you must act like a woman. The poor guy appeared that he couldn't get away fast enough. Unless the date was an "act" for some crazy article of "How to run a guy off in no time flat," I hope you took serious notes as you watched the episode. I think I will apply for a dating advice writer at ELLE. Best wishes to you.
Oh Sweetie Sweetie Sweetie, let this serve as a lesson to you: never let the dumb ones set you up. That poor guy was probably so focused on JP's pants that he thought the girl Chris had been kissing recently was his cousin... JP has it right in this situation, you date the dumb ones (as long as they're pretty), you don't trust their judgement to set you up, especially when they are confused by words with more than two syllables.
With that said, you're my favorite on the show, and having never heard of you before now I'm almost tempted to google you... You warn against it so much that my rebellious side feels the need to take over! Maybe I'll do that another time!
You know what, I thought you would irritate the hell out of me based on the first episode, but actually, I find you adorable. What girl hasn't done something totally embarrassing on a date? Only we don't have to then watch it and relive it on TV. You are beautiful and have a gorgeous figure - you'll find a great man who will love you for you, pink room, tutus and all!
Julia, I relate. I'm nearly 49 (yet oddly, still feel like you youngins), and I too have an "aggressive" streak. Except...I now know it's not really aggression. (The "rules" put that notion in your head, and mine). I now understand that what I used to term "aggression" is really the fact that I am not genetically wired to "play the dating game." My essence is sincerity..."keepin' it real." Even when I'm not trying. I am who I am, and any attempt on my part to be other, only serves to make me EVEN MORE RIDICULOUS (if that's possible). If I am attracted to a man, I show it. If I want to kiss a man, he knows it. If I don't, he knows it. All wrapped up in humor, intelligence, and manners. But it's all real, all me, all the time. And this has cost me some men, and it hurt (any rejection does), but I've learned they're not the men I should have. Best to be alone, than be with a man who doesn't value my essence. There's no more intense lonely than that. I have a friend who says that when it comes to catching a man, "aloof is your friend." If that's true, well, I'm screwed. And as for the infamous "rules?" Well...everyone SAYS they're ridiculous, don't follow them, blah, blah, blah. But everyone's using a script based on those "rules," that they think (mostly subconsciously) they're supposed to be using. When I watched that scene of you and Chris on the beach, having that "what do men really want/think" talk, I thought, "Oh girl. He's gonna set you up and he doesn't even know he's doing it! Don't fall into the trap and believe it when he says that men really don't mind a "forward" woman!" That's off-script, and it's the rare guy who can go off script. Not because such men are bad, or malicious, but because they've been acculturated a certain way. Some forces can't be contained. Your essence is one such force. Trust me, I know from experience: if you try to suppress your spirit, you'll wither and die. Better to be alone for a while--maybe a long while---and come to terms with your "force," than to berate yourself for being "aggressive." Easy for a 49-year old, whose been married (now divorced) to say, right? Here's MY # 1 RULE: I will only marry again if he hits all three: physical (the "za-za-zoo," as Carrie would say); intellectual (including making me LMAO);and emotional. Otherwise, me and my essence are staying single. :-) Bubble on, oh bubbly, intelligent one.
boogie821 You are SPOT ON! Better to be alone for a while...I never thought I could be alone...now I don't know how I will ever be able to actually share my bed again. Julia's gonna get a lot of advice ... from a lot of people who really don't know what they're talking about, however, boogie821, you know what you're talking about and I completely agree with you.
Although I agree that you broke some rules, he just did NOT get your sweet quirky personality. This was not a match from the get-go. You did not miss out there. Judging by his odd behavior, I would not be surprised if he had a girlfriend he did not want to upset. He may have just been on the date to get on TV so you have not worries. You will find someone that appreciates your naturally fun, adorable self Julia Allison!