Cast Blog: #SHAHS

Lollipops, Diamonds, and Family

Ep 8: Reza gives us the down-and-dirty on diamonds, Rosh Hashanah, and GG and her lollipop!

Read the full transcript of Reza's blog, after the jump!

You guys just watched the eighth episode; I just watched the eighth episode, and we really have some important stuff to talk about. But actually the most important thing I want to talk to you guys about are my shoes, which we can’t really see, so I’ll talk them off and show them to you. How great are these boots? They’re business on the top, and party on the bottom! They’re my Prada mullet shoes! Aren’t they cute?

As far as the episode goes, my two favorite friends that love to indulge in the libation, specifically GG and MJ, are trying to have serious conversation about some really heavy shit, like morals and character, and to hear the two of them get after it like that is really fantastic, especially when MJ’s hair looked like she has just gotten nailed to the wall. Were you guys noticing all that stuff that was going on? And then GG rolls up to Omid’s house, and Omid had body for days! I wasn’t really paying attention to what GG was saying, because I was just concentrating on Omid’s yummy torso. And what is GG doing sucking on that lollipop? It makes me think she went over there know she wanted to suck on something, so she kept the lollipop in her mouth so she could abstain from sucking something else. I don’t know; that’s what I was thinking.Oh Diamond Water! Hello! How amazing was that ginormous diamond?! She was putting it there and there [points to his head] and I’d be putting it here [points to his pocket] and taking it the F out of there! Especially that big-ass one! It had my name all over it.

We get to New York, and honestly, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m so sick of crying. I can’t watch myself cry anymore. But it was a really amazing lunch I had with my Dad. And as close as we got last year, this lunch brought us that much closer. And I was so happy to have MJ and Mike and Asa with my at Rosh Hashanah which was so beautiful and so special to me. My east coast family is so amazing. And I’m serious, they switched my grandmother at the Old Folks’ home! I don’t know if she got a lobotomy, or took an ecstasy, or a Xanax, but something happened on the way to my Uncle’s house, because she was really,really amazing and we had the trip of a lifetime. We had so much fun, and I’m really happy that you got to take that trip with me.

I hope you liked episode eight as much as I did! Call me. Peace!

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Recap: Dodging Balls and Shade

Ep 7: Will a heart-to-heart over leggings mend Asa and MJ's friendship?

This episode was full of overcoming. Mike overcame the meat sweats, MJ tried to get GG to overcome her love of tattooed boys, while Reza vocalized his intimacy issues with Adam, and Asa and MJ were crunching the munch.

Let’s start with the meat, shall we? Mike and Jessica showed off their new rock to Shervin at an all-you-can-eat Brazilian Steakhouse. What I didn’t know going into this is how much meat two meatheads can eat. It’s amazing what lengths two Persian men will go to not pay a bill.

But the real beef was between Mike and Jessica. When Mike tells Shervin that he wants to reconcile things between him and his friends, Mrs. Shouhed-to-be responded with, “Mend it? No.” Something tells me that Jessica will first sauté Mike, then fillet him if he tries to mend his friendships anytime soon. And if he does, he will be the meat on the skewer he’s eating. It’ll be interesting to see how everything shakes out.


Meanwhile, Reza confided in Asa about his intimacy issues with Adam before confronting him. Apparently this isn’t a turn on:

But he thinks this is:


Good news? Adam agreed to Reza’s prenup terms and it sounds like they’re going to spice up their sex life. Hopefully they’ll meet somewhere in the middle between taking a shower and the oh so subtle, “Suck it.”

While we’re on the subject of love, MJ is determined to get GG dating again. She not only helped set up her Tinder account, but she also went as far as meeting her out one night and calling over two contenders (one tattooed and one not tattooed) as if she was on an episode of The Bachelorette. In true MJ form she was super subtle, grilling the guys with “What’s your sign?” Followed by, “How big are your dicks?” Needless to say, neither guy got a rose.

And speaking of doodools…Asa met with Mr. Doodool Tala himself, Mike, about what went down at Shervin’s party. She asked him point blank if he did it and he denied it. But after all was said and done, Mike said he couldn’t remember if he was even in Golnesa’s room in Turkey. This whole thing is starting to feel like a scene from Dude Where’s my Car, except it’s Dude, Where was my Dool?


GG is about to take a lie detector test next episode and we’ll hopefully find out where Mike’s dool was. Remains to be seen…

Now on to something that involves balls with no dools attached, dodge ball. The MJ and Asa (AKA Crunch and Munch) back and forth has been boiling since the Malibu staycation, and it seems as though it finally got addressed this episode while shopping for dodge ball outfits.


But some physical activity and a heart-to-heart in leggings proved to be the recipe for mending a friendship. However, I’m not sure MJ apologizing has fixed this problem as they both still seem a little skeptical of each other. Can’t we all just get a long in the name of gold?

Before I go, can we give credit where credit is due? Here’s to the lady at World of Leggings! Men, take note: When you’re stuck and can’t find “meggings,” just wear your leggings backwards. Problem solved.

Oh, and as for Goldie, now I know where he got his name…

Comments? Tweet me @nadinerajabi.

Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and stand-up comedian from Los Angeles. Most importantly she's Bravo’s in-house Persian.