Cast Blog: #SHAHS

Lollipops, Diamonds, and Family

Ep 8: Reza gives us the down-and-dirty on diamonds, Rosh Hashanah, and GG and her lollipop!

Read the full transcript of Reza's blog, after the jump!

You guys just watched the eighth episode; I just watched the eighth episode, and we really have some important stuff to talk about. But actually the most important thing I want to talk to you guys about are my shoes, which we can’t really see, so I’ll talk them off and show them to you. How great are these boots? They’re business on the top, and party on the bottom! They’re my Prada mullet shoes! Aren’t they cute?

As far as the episode goes, my two favorite friends that love to indulge in the libation, specifically GG and MJ, are trying to have serious conversation about some really heavy shit, like morals and character, and to hear the two of them get after it like that is really fantastic, especially when MJ’s hair looked like she has just gotten nailed to the wall. Were you guys noticing all that stuff that was going on? And then GG rolls up to Omid’s house, and Omid had body for days! I wasn’t really paying attention to what GG was saying, because I was just concentrating on Omid’s yummy torso. And what is GG doing sucking on that lollipop? It makes me think she went over there know she wanted to suck on something, so she kept the lollipop in her mouth so she could abstain from sucking something else. I don’t know; that’s what I was thinking.Oh Diamond Water! Hello! How amazing was that ginormous diamond?! She was putting it there and there [points to his head] and I’d be putting it here [points to his pocket] and taking it the F out of there! Especially that big-ass one! It had my name all over it.

We get to New York, and honestly, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m so sick of crying. I can’t watch myself cry anymore. But it was a really amazing lunch I had with my Dad. And as close as we got last year, this lunch brought us that much closer. And I was so happy to have MJ and Mike and Asa with my at Rosh Hashanah which was so beautiful and so special to me. My east coast family is so amazing. And I’m serious, they switched my grandmother at the Old Folks’ home! I don’t know if she got a lobotomy, or took an ecstasy, or a Xanax, but something happened on the way to my Uncle’s house, because she was really,really amazing and we had the trip of a lifetime. We had so much fun, and I’m really happy that you got to take that trip with me.

I hope you liked episode eight as much as I did! Call me. Peace!

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Recap: The Inconclusive Freezer Aisle

Ep 8: Wondering who's the ping pong champion of the world and how to store your recently deceased dog? Look no further!

What do you get when you mix a frozen dog, a ping pong champion, and a polygraph test? Oh, just another episode of the Shahs of Sunset. Last night’s episode proved to be one for the books. Before we get to MJ’s freezer and GG’s polygraph outfit, let’s quickly recap what happened in our hour of power.

With Reza’s wedding coming up, Reza, MJ, and Asa are all going on a “detox.” I’d say the word “diet,” but the Priestess doesn’t like that word, so we’ll stick to the friendlier D-word. While on the subject of weddings, Jessica is turning into quite the bridezilla showing up at Mike’s office with their wedding planner…you know, just trying to plan the whole wedding during business hours.

We also saw Asifa’s dad give her sound relationship advice. He told her, “don’t be like Madonna.” I wish he would have clarified 1984 Like a Virgin Madonna or 2015 Rebel Heart Madonna. If he meant the latter, I agree…sort of.

As Asifa was getting advice from her Persian Dad, Reza paid Dr. Downs a visit to sort out some relationship issues he’s been having with Adam. We found out that not only are they having issues in the bedroom, but sweet Adam has a porny side with a bad habit of not clearing his browser history. I hope Reza and Adam figure out their issues, because their wedding clock is ticking and there is only room for two in the bed, not the world wide web.

On the friendship front, Reza and Mike had a sit down to try to hash out their differences. Mike is hurt because Reza didn’t tell him the Turkish secret, and Reza found out that Jessica thinks he’s evil. Needless to say, the sit down wasn’t a success. A text message conversation could have gone smoother. Their bromance has been lacking the “bro” part for quite some time.

Now, I’d now like to take a moment of silence for our favorite four-legged Mexican, Pablo. I was heart broken to find out that he had passed. That dog was a mascot for the Shahs. As viewers, we’ve experience many great moments with our furry friend from being pushed around town in a stroller to getting his anal glands expressed to wearing bow ties.

Hopefully MJ will bounce back quickly because I know that Pablo’s soul will live on forever. But I’m not sure GG’s eyes will ever recover from seeing Pablo wrapped up like E.T. fresh out of the Persian freezer aisle, aka MJ’s kitchen freezer.

My big question: Was Pablo stuffed between the frozen broccoli and the Häagen-Dazs or did she clear out the freezer before making a doggie morgue?

As if GG didn’t have enough stress seeing the deceased Mexican E.T., she had to go through a lie detector test given by Orville Redenbacher’s doppelganger. After a line of questioning, the test came back inconclusive, and Orville wouldn’t budge. He basically told GG, Game Over. I wonder if GG’s outfit had anything to do with it? You’d think having her hair in braids, she’d be a shoe in for a good test score, but that didn’t seem to be the case. Hopefully next week she’ll get better results when an examiner with a real computer tests her. 

Before I go, I MUST take a minute to give tribute to the one and only Ping Pong champion of the world, Vida. Put some backspin on it, Ms. Ping Pong Champ! 

Comments? Tweet me @nadinerajabi.

Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and stand-up comedian from Los Angeles. Most importantly she's Bravo’s in-house Persian.