Southern Charm New Orleans couple Tamica Lee and Barry Smith surprised everyone with a little “time alone” in the bathroom on this season’s finale — especially themselves. Their rendezvous came after Tamica admitted at a housewarming party that her current status was her suffering from a “lack of sex problem” in her marriage.
Not surprising after being married for 10 years, and together for 15.
Tamica explained to The Daily Dish about why she and Barry weren’t getting hot and heavy this season, saying: "I was tired. I was going through so much at that time with work and everything and filming. I was just like, 'Stop it.’ Unless anybody's been with anybody for 15 years, don't give me advice on my sex life, because with two kids in the house, 15 years of being together, my God, you just go through peaks and valleys."
Call it a peak, because she then went on to say she’s newly obsessed with Barry these days, calling him “hot.”
Reconnecting sexually with someone who you see day in and day out is not so easy, so the couple is lucky — and very normal — says marriage and family therapist Dr. Jane Greer, author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship.
“Basically it’s not the amount of time you’re with somebody or how long you’ve been sexually connected, it’s about how much you respect each other,” she says. “If you still respect them, and still have attraction and desire for one another, you can reconnect.”
Dr. Greer says what ultimately tears couples apart isn’t the lack of sex, but anger directed at your partner that goes unresolved.
“If you’re angry over time and can’t get though it, that will ruin your sexual drive and drive you apart ultimately,” she says. “If you’ve been angry over a family or financial situation and you’ve now moved on and you still want to make the relationship work, what you want to do is go back to when you first met and put a little extra energy and attention into it.”
She says get ready for the time together like you used to when you were first dating.
“Because you live together sex becomes same old thing, when you met you put energy into dating — you shaved your legs, you put time aside to be with them…If you used to go out to dinner it helps to do that again and look forward to it. Plan a ‘spontaneous’ sexual encounter you can get excited about. You know it will happen, but you don't know when."
Like Tamica’s bathroom hookup.
If that doesn't work, when do you call it quits?
“If one person can never get over the anger and how turned off they became by the other person’s behavior, and has shut off to them emotionally and sexually…If once you get through the anger, you still have no desire to be with that person, the relationship is for all intents and purposes is over.”
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