We watched both Marcus Pierce (left) and Brian Reams (right) wade through a sea of hilarious (and sometimes terrifying) online dates on their episodes of Online Dating Rituals of the American Male. Both guys experienced their share of catastrophes (remember Marcus' TMI date with Mindy?) and, luckily, a little bit of chemistry along the way. There is hope out there!
We recently caught up with Marcus and Brian when they stopped by to fill us in on their dating life after the show. Though both guys found success with a couple ladies on the show, they weren't long-term relationships. Marcus, who hit it of with Chloe, told us things fizzled out. "You know, we're still friends now, and she texted me when the show aired," Marcus said. "She's keeping the door open but I've kind of closed the door." Brian had chemistry with Vera, but it didn't work out. He's still happy he met her, though. "With Vera, she got me out of my negative funk...I was allowing the past [with my ex-girlfried] to mess up my present and perpetuate into my future. Once I met Vera, I was like, 'Wait, I can love again?' Not 'love,' but like, 'I can have that attraction again.'"
So both guys are still signed on, hoping Ms. Right is out there on the other side of a profile picture somewhere. But what makes a lady Ms. Right? According to Marcus and Brian, no cats, no self-deprecating humor and no sex on the first date. The guys revealed a few surprising turn-ons and a couple major turn-offs in a quick game of "Red Hot or Red Flag?" Sorry, cat ladies—these aren't the guys for you.
Red Hot or Red Flag: Meeting the Family on the First Date
Marcus: "Red flag for me. My brother maybe, but nah. [If a date was to meet my family early on], it would be on accident."
Brian: "Red hot." (Brian's obviously okay with it—he brought Mara home to meet his sisters on their first date.)
Red Hot or Red Flag: An AOL Email Address
Marcus: "That's a red flag. Probably wouldn't have even met her online then."
Brian: "That's not good. She probably has a pager."
Red Hot or Red Flag: Taking a Few Hours to Text Back
Brian: "Red flag. I hate that game. I hate that game! Especially when you can tell that they read it. I feel like when girls do that, I'm automatically turned off. I don't want to waste my time with you if you can't get back to me in a decent amount of time."
Marcus: "I'm on the fence about that. Because I'm busy and I know that sometimes in an eight-hour day I'm not on my phone because I'm with clients. So I can't, when I'm in the middle of a client, be texting back. If it's a work week, I'm not tripping about that. But if it's the weekend and I know you're not doing anything and you told me you're not doing much and I don't hear from you for four hours, then there's an issue there."
Red Hot or Red Flag: Cutting Pizza With a Fork and Knife
Marcus: "That's cool"
Brian: "That's hot. That's cool because it shows that she thinks differently. I'm so tired of basic bitches that don't think outside of the pizza box."
Red Hot or Red Flag: 3+ Drinks on the First Date
Marcus: "If she can handle her liquor and we can have intelligent conversation, go for it, you're grown. Be responsible for yourself. But if you drink more than three drinks and you're a trainwreck, then no. My thing about going on dates and situations like that—if you're gonna do stuff like that and put yourself in a corner, go for it, because I wanna see that right away so I know whether or not I'm going out with you again. So go for the gold, do what you do. But I'm not gonna sit there and say 'Why you drinking three drinks?' if she can handle it."
Brian: "Red flag. I would judge her hard, because I don't wanna be with someone who drinks a lot. I don't drink at all, I'm Irish."
Red Hot or Red Flag: Being Super Close With Mom
Marcus: "That's great. That's red hot."
Brian: "Red hot, I like that. Unless I'm looking for a chick that I just wanna, you know... In those cases, it's like you don't want them to have good relationships with their mom because like, that's what has them stray and go crazy."
Red Hot or Red Flag: Self-Deprecating Humor
Brian: "Red flag. I don't like that. It just makes you look stupid. I makes you look like you have a low self-esteem."
Marcus: "Red flag. I don't like that at all. If you're doing that on the first date, that's the sign of something else going on. But if that comes along naturally and it's not something that's focused on, I don't have a problem with that. I do the same thing, but not on a first date. That's not the area I like to move into."
Red Hot or Red Flag: Staying Close With an Ex
Marcus: "It just depends on the situation. I'm not insecure about that kind of stuff. It doesn't bother me. It depends on what kind of relationship. If they're like talking all the time and texting, that's different. But if the dude comes in town and it's like, 'Oh, my ex boyfriend's in town,' I'm like, 'Oh, you're gonna hang out? Cool, do your thing.'"
Brian: "That's annoying. That's a red flag."
Red Hot or Red Flag: Cats
Brian: "I hate cats. I'm allergic to cats. Cats like to just climb all over the area, take up the space, lay on your chick, get in your way. You gotta throw the cat off."
Marcus: "I'll say I'm allergic to cats to get away from them. They don't even need you. They hide behind the curtain when you're watching TV and it's like, 'This dude doesn't even care that I'm home.'"
Red Hot or Red Flag: Not Having Any Hot Friends
Marcus: "Red flag, because that means that she likes to be the center of attention. Because I know that my guy friends, for the most part, are pretty good-looking guys. It's not like I picked them like that…but most of the guys who are my close friends are good-looking guys. If a girl has all trainwreck friends, I'm like, 'That's odd.' I'm into fitness, so are most of my friends—we all work out, we all have the same interests. I don't have a 300-pound friend that I kick it with because it's just not the same lifestyle."
Brian: "I really believe you are who you associate with. Not just in looks, but in business and money and drugs, drinking...everything."
Online Dating Rituals of the American Male airs Tuesdays on Bravo at 10/9c.