Brandi: I Tried Being a Lesbian
Brandi tried to be a lesbian, but it didn't work. Plus she tells the backstory of how Joyce/Lisa's Hair-Gate went down.
Awww now we finally get to see the dramatic side of not-so-sweet-and-bubbly Joyce. . .
But before that we must delve into lingerie shopping with Carlton and myself. As I have said before, I love beautiful women, and Carlton is one of them. However neither one of us are lesbians. I have actually tried to be, but it just didn't work out for me. I can't speak to Carlton's experiences, because I honestly have no idea what they have been. As you can tell, I am easily distracted by lingerie. In fact, I'm quite obsessed with it and all other things sexy and girly. Carlton's body looks like it is zero percent body fat, and she is fun, playful, and non-judgmental. Fun fact: the lingerie I bought that day at Trashy is the same lingerie I wore in my epic home tour. Haha.
Kim invited all of us to circus school, and, although I had a major kink in my neck, I thought it would be good for all of us to try and do something fun together. However the day before I was chased down with my children by paparazzi saying Kyle Richards had called me a bully. I'm sure you can understand walking in to circus school I felt I needed to have a conversation with Kyle. Kim asked me nicely to let it go for the day because she wanted this day to be drama-free, so I begrudgingly agreed. When all the girls arrived it seemed to be going pretty OK, until Kim snapped at Yolanda for no reason. I personally think at this point they have unresolved issues and it came from that place for Kim. (Sidenote: I had my microphone on a waist strap and so I look five months pregnant. Grrrr.)
Anyhow at this point I am getting along with just about all the girls, other then my new issue with Kyle. Circus school was fun and exhausting -- even with Lisa's little jabs-by-jokes about what goes on in my bedroom. Yolanda headed home to her beautiful girls who were off to prom, and we were off to the rooftop of the Thompson Hotel for some much needed food.
Before I get into what went down on the rooftop, let me explain what went down with Lisa, Joyce, and myself. The day of Carlton's lunch we were waking up the stairs, and Lisa let me know that she was upset about the fainting discussion we had in the car. I apologized, but she was still very annoyed. As we got upstairs, Joyce started fixing my hair. I simply said "thanks," and then she went to touch Lisa's hair. Lisa did snap at her a bit, and just said "No, I'm fine." I saw the reaction on Joyce's face and I knew she was bothered by it, even though it wasn't persona. It was Lisa's leftover annoyance from our discussion.
Because Joyce and I have a friend in common and because she was new to this group, I decided to give her a heads up about how to navigate herself in this new group. I called her and explained that I saw what happened with her and Lisa and that she shouldn't take it personally because it had nothing to do with her. I told her Lisa was super sensitive about the fainting conversation and that her best plan of action was to talk to Lisa about it one on one before it turned into something bigger. She said thank you and that she appreciated the advice. That is it, plain and simple.
We get to the rooftop and the Mauricio cheating/bully gate continues. Someone brought up Yolanda's name, and I just didn't think it was fair to talk about people when they are not there to defend themselves -- so I said as much. Carlton doesn't get involved in Kyle, Lisa, and my conversation because it had nothing to do with her, which I respect.
And then someone at the table was clearly feeling left out and in need of making it about her. God forbid Joyce isn't the center of attention. In the middle of our whole drama, Joyce gets up and pulls Lisa away. (When I said one-on-one that wasn't really what I had in mind.) Joyce way over-dramatizes what happened at Carlton's lunch -- I mean it was absolutely ridiculous the way Joyce was reenacting the incident. But clearly she needs a lot of attention. Lisa and Joyce return the three steps back to our table where Joyce twists my words to her about the Lisa hair drama to make it look like I was talking shit and I I absolutely wasn't. Joyce says and does things simply to get attention and it's sad. I should have listened to my friend that told me she was a complete s---tirrer but I decided to come to my own decision. My friend was right.