Cast Blog: #RHONY

A Recap is a Recap is a Recap

Carole admits she's a terrible singer, evaluates the Central Park fight, and ponders running away with Jacques.

Thanks, you guys, for all the comments on my post last week! You're smart, clever, and funny, and I'm going to steal all your lines.

Diane R. stood out with her witty take on a Dorothy Parker quote, referring to that iconic scene at the restaurant in which LuAnn does not drink her coffee: "Money can buy you coffee, but it can't make you drink it!"

Diane, you win a signed book! Do you want one? If you see this, go to my web site and send me your address. Let's do this each week. Okay? Leave a great line, win a prize.

So this episode, Aviva and Heather go on a double date to kick things off. We find out that Heather is Jewish by injection and that Harry did, in fact, inject half of the cast. I don't know if Harry is Jewish. I do know we seem to talk about him a lot.

During "Showdown at Bethesda Fountain" in Central Park -- cue theme to Gunsmoke -- I realized why I feel comfortable around Ramona. She grew up with yellers and screamers and so did I. I didnt even hear my own voice until I was in high school. My favorite moment of this argument, though, is when Ramona, mid-meltdown, pauses to admire her shellacked fingernails. Luann doesn't seem impressed, even that they last three weeks!

Aviva and I met up at a vintage clothing store near my apartment. It's called What Goes Around Comes Around. It's a chic little place where you can get 1920s couture or vintage concert t-shirts, high-end or low. Aviva should really have grabbed that leopard jumpsuit, don't you think? It screamed mommy pickup.

I didn't take the green dress, but I did get the blue cape I tried on. Take note because you'll see it again. It plays a big role in a future scene, and that's all I can say right now. Please let me address the contractually obligated recap of the recap of the previous scene. It looks as if I'm cutting Aviva off as we recap the recap of de Lesseps v. Singer case. I didn't mean to. It's just that in real life, I'm not used to gossip. I've had to practice this, too. I'd rather talk about boys, or, apparently, my breasts! Speaking of. . .what is going on with me? Before I was a Housewife, I was a run-of-the-mill single girl who I'm pretty sure didn't talk about breasts, and now I can't stop. My breasts are stealing all my scenes.

Uptown, Sonja demonstrates an in-depth understanding of the drip pattern. I was impressed and I think Rich from Zeff's was, too -- she'd be great at a crime scene. There was also some pretty hot banter going on here.

Rich: How ya doin'? I'd like to do a small water test, from your upstairs. . .down.

Sonja: Good. I'm just fixin' my skinny jeans.

Dial tone.

So, surprise -- turns out I have a love interest. His name is Russ, and he's so cute, no? He just released a new album and it's great. Musician boyfriends are fun. They write songs about you. Think Mick and Bianca and rented castles and sexy clothes. Okay, well it's not quite like that. At all. At least not so far, but he did write a song about me. It's called "Manhattan" and you can hear it in the show as we're driving around. Russ shot a video for it and I play the girlfriend, naturally. Watch here.

His new album is called "Take Me Home" and you can get it on iTunes, and you should. I love it, especially "Manhattan" and not only because it was written about me. I also love "I Miss Being Lonely" and "So Close to Heaven," even though that song was written about a bunch of other girls on the road. I bought the album too, and I could have gotten it for free.

My favorite scene this week? The de Lesseps clan discussing the "French Problem." First, what did I tell you? LuAnn is my high school French teacher, reincarnate. (See previous post.) Noel is failing French, and possibly math, and he picked a really bad family to fail French in. I'm not worried, though. I think if Noel maintains his new study habits and sticks close to Jacques he'll be fine. Jacques steals the entire show in this scene -- I think he's my favorite Housewife. On French: "It's beautiful but it's useless. Good for the girls, maybe. Do you use your French accent with the girls?" On blaming the French teacher for your grade: What's the accent of the math teacher?

His lines are all sotto voce -- which is an Italian expression, not French, and also not from Google Translate but from my head -- and this makes them even funnier. This is a really nice family moment, but I wouldn't want to fail French with LuAnn.

(Scoop alert: In future episodes Carole leaves Russ for Jacques. They run away to Gstaad and open a French Accents for Dummies school. Jacques does a comprehensive water test while Carole bides her time shellacking her nails.)

Joe, I need a glass of pinot grigio right away. Ramona, I am certain, knows the name of every man in every restaurant that carries pinot grigio. I think Ramona should call everyone Joe, and that this line should be the Housewife mantra for Season 6.

So, what did we learn this episode? Sonja knows drip patterns, Ramona's manicures last three weeks, Heather likes freestyle dinners, Aviva likes neat children and napkins, Jacques is really funny and, lastly, I can't sing.

Remember, to check out my website here and I wouldn’t be a Housewife if I didn't plug my book, here. And tweet me here.

There were six toasts this week, up from last week's count of five. And will someone please count references to Harry? Whoever comes closest to guessing the number of toasts and the number of Harry mentions at the end of the season will win French lessons from Jacques.

Sonja: Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously

Sonja explains why she and Ramona are family, why she's hiring Aviva, and why LuAnn is still her friend.

At this point, I am numb to the whole BookGate debate. I am not on anyone's side, I just hope that both books are bestsellers and that Carole and Aviva are making enough money to pay the bills with their books because BookGate has definitely taken an emotional toll on their friendship. I know that they were close and had great times together. In fact, Carole was once the godmother to Aviva's daughter. How can this come between them? Such contention over the accusations! I don't know why they let it get so heated. It's not worth it! I just hope that they can forgive each other at some point. As you get to know someone, you get to see their strengths and weaknesses -- and you have to accept those if you're going to be friends.

I was surprised when the girls laughed at me discussing my ability to forgive and voicing my Christianity. I think that it is one of the reasons that I can live my own life and not worry about everyone else's or the grass being greener. It's all relative. We are on Earth for such a short time. I am enjoying every day of my life. I am grateful for the family and friends that I have and my beautiful daughter.

I have so much more than many other people, and I remind myself of that every day with the charity work that I do. That's why I feel so much more comfortable working with artists, animals, the LGBT, and children. It's such a sensitive, caring, and loving place to be. I love my Sonja In The City event planning business because it lets me be me -- an artist and a promoter -- while helping others reach their highest capabilities. Plus I get to do all that while helping me get my daughter through school in a stable environment. It keeps me connected to the movers and shakers who help me manage my investments. I love to produce and to contribute. It makes me feel good.

I believe some of the women fail to take me seriously because I only show them my party side. There is a private side to me that most people don't see, because they only see me out at social events and while I'm entertaining. I throw a lot of events, so a lot of people only see that side, as it's my business and the way I broker some of my deals.

It is amazing how moms like Heather find strength to do dealing with their children's issues, like her son's health and hearing loss. It's what we do with loved ones. We do it with marriage partners too! I surprised myself when my ex had a terrible accident and I was called upon to deal with all of the doctors, therapists, and financial advisors.

I dont feel that Ramona called Aviva vile. She said that she had a vile side. That's different!

I'm not upset that Ramona spoke behind my back about my financial problems. She's human, and I spoke my feelings then and we worked through it the way that family does. We have too much water under the bridge to let opinions or men get in between us.

Heather questioning the legitimacy of my friendship with Ramona is just silly. She knows that we have been friends forever and whatever I have said about Ramona I have told her to her face. Heather knows this very well -- since I'm very upfront about my feelings with her.

The girls saying that Aviva's leg throw was staged is silly. I let Aviva know that everyone was saying she was fake. Even if she plans to throw it on the table to make a point, that doesn't make it staged. It just means she was pushed to a limit. I thought she was hilarious. After all, it was a private party in the back room. We weren't in the actual restaurant. Aviva doesn't go around throwing her leg around in normal restaurant situations. Maybe she and I should take her act on the road! A real dog and pony show! I always said I was a performer, a comedian, and a producer. At my Sonja In The City parties, now we can include Aviva as part of the show!

My overall thoughts of the season was that the reunion had more drama. I felt the season flip-flopped around quite a bit. Harry and I will always have a very strong relationship, just as Ramona and Aviva will always be in my life. Aviva's son Harrison is like my family.

Ramona was definitely going through something this season. I let her know I was upset, but I can't change her and she can't change me. We accept each other the way we are and we work our differences out.

I didn't know LuAnn was going through a breakup. She never shared that with me, and I was getting upset that she wasn't trusting my friendship and was blaming me for everything. I didn't give any credence to any of the rumors that were going around town through the salon that Satoko worked at. Kristen and I just asked the facialist to tell us for fun. I can't stop LuAnn from running out of parties with my guys -- just like I can't stop Harry from taking off and leaving me because he knows I want commitment and he wants to fool around. But that doesn't mean LuAnn's not my friend and that I can't speak my mind in front of her, and it doesn't mean that Harry isn't someone that I love as well.

I hope that you found the season entertaining. I hope that you don't take yourself too seriously! And when the naysayers back you into the corner, just say what Glinda the Good Witch said to the Wicked Witch of the West "Be off with you, your black magic doesn't work here!"

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