Cast Blog: #RHONY

I Couldn't Help But Wonder. . .

Carole ponders social media, truces, and Sonja's internship program.

I didn't think I was into this whole "social media" thing. Blogging, Facebooking, Tumbling, Pinteresting. What? I'm a writer. I like to get paid for my words. Plus I am old school -- you know, like pink While You Were Away slips and Sonja Morgan fax machines. I listen to vinyl albums at home (check out my crib). But old school is so 16,000 followers ago. New school is the new old school. And new school is like having recess all day. Two months ago, I didn't know what Twitter was and now I'm retweeting, livetweeting, and hashtagging quicker than a short fuse on the 4th of July. I communicate more with @suzyq485 and @wtf27 than I do my own mother. #himom.

A few days ago, my downstairs neighbor @trippswanhaus came upstairs with coffee and the news that @tomcruise and @katieholmes were divorcing. #shock. How fun to tweet I want to be wife #numberfour. We're just in my living room. It's just me and Tripp. So @trippswanhaus and I amused ourselves. We tweeted. Mrs. Tom Cruise #tomcar, #tomrad, #radzitom, Mrs. Cruisiwill. I could have gone on but then my sister @teresadifalco called. From Oregon.

"Hi Carole. What's going on?"

"I'm tweeting!"

"Yeah, I see that. Are you tweeting that you want to marry Tom Cruise?" @teresadifalco asked, as she scanned her Google alert.

Apparently it wasn’t just Tripp and me. A web site (Wetpaint) was also reading my tweets and now Tom Cruise and I are romantically linked in cyberspace. Forever. Me and Tom, just like that. I am both scared, and in awe of the power of social media. #irony

@teresadifalco banned me from Twitter, indefinitely. She doesn't know this, but I snuck back.

Showdown at Bethesda Fountain: Redux

[Insert Carrie Bradshaw voiceover here.]

On an island of nearly 2 million people, I couldn't help but wonder. . .will we ever all get along?

From the looks of it, maybe not. Is Ramona upset that Heather wasn't upset or is Heather upset that Aviva said she was upset or is Aviva upset that Ramona told Heather that Heather was upset? And didn't I too say at that now infamous lunch that I thought Heather was upset that we talked behind her back about her talking too much in front of us? I'm losing track of who is upset and why.

Aviva wants an alliance with the cool girls. Hello, Vivs? I'm #coolcarole. Heath is #gangsterchic. #keepitstraight.

I think the difference between the oldies and the newbies can be summed up in this one scene. While @IamHeatherT and @avivadrescher had a disagreement over who was cool and who was not and who was going and who was staying behind, neither of them mentioned their shellacked three-week manicure or their pinot-filled hat.

Meanwhile, @ramonasinger wanted to pow-wow with me about London. I wasn't expecting her to come in her shiny blue cocktail dress, but the thigh high leather boots, Jackie O sunglasses and mini-me mini-skirt really threw me off. Ramona is nothing if not surprising, and this is why I like her. She is also obviously still upset about not being invited and she doesn't even know that Vivs has told Heath she isn't cool. When I suggest to Ramona that she suppress her rage over the dis-invite, at least just while we shop, she looks at me like I'm a #unicorn and assures me she is perfectly calm. Did you see my double-take? Can you believe I made the famous Housewife hand gesture? Ramona's calm is HERE at Kelly Bensimon levels, and the rest of the world is here, with Bethenny. I promised myself I wouldn't do it and here we are -- only Episode 5 -- and I couldn't help myself. #reflex. I wished I had Mario's calming spray. In lieu of, I ordered the cheesecake.

All of that princess talk came about because I was planning a practical joke for @CountessLuann, to play out in London, and I wanted Ramona in on it. It involved titles, of course, and a curtsy. I wanted to trick LuAnn into curtsying to me, in public. Ramona loved the idea of LuAnn curtsying, which is why she curtsied, although it could have been the pinot. I can't be sure. I didn't go through with the joke. I chickened out, so LuAnn never curtsied but Ramona did. And I think I like the word "curtsy."

Instead I went all Jersey Housewife on everyone. Don-t f--k with Cinderella. Yeah that's right. I have Franklin Lakes street cred, too. I hung out at the Paramus Park Mall and I went to Asbury Park after prom. Watch out for my tag line next year: "Life is short, bring on the drama." #iheartjersey

London Hollywood Calling

Like I promised last week I was sticking close to Ramona. Walking to Curve we were practically holding hands. I wasn't going to let her out of my sight, but then I had that work call to take and sure enough -- I walk out to the street and Ramona walks Heather to the couch. I'm still confused over who is upset at whom but when I walked back in the store, Ramona bounced out of the dressing room right into my arms when she heard the commotion. You see, Ramona knows to stick thisclose to the drama. She matched my up-and-down jump with a #pogostick and raised me a case of pinot. #target

Date with Destiny

It's hard to watch yourself on a date. It's a blur, it's a swirl, it's a swivel seat. Peyman may not have looked 31, but I look like a 12-year-old at the Woolworth's counter waiting for my banana split. Like I said, it's hard to watch yourself on a date. It's also hard to watch yourself say #pussy. Full disclosure: I grew up Democrat but might be Republican by injection. #datedatexan

Sonja's drink date with Aviva goes better than mine when they discover they both love bows and also Ramona. Sonja loves Aviva, too, but for some reason is keeping the truffles off her truffle mac and cheese muffins for Aviva's anniversary party. Is there more to this story? I can't say.

Sex, Dating, & Fax Machines

My favorite scene of the week again involves @sonjatmorgan. #ilovesonja. How can you not? Even American Express sent her $1.47 worth of love. But why didn't I know Sonja when she had five houses, a yacht, and 75 in staff? I'm getting the bankrupt, tap water drinking, poop pill popping Sonja, the one with only one to three interns a day.

And, speaking of interns. Last week I launched a #stealingmillsaps campaign but that was before I knew there were three. I need between one to three interns a day, too, even though my apartment is all on one floor. #stealingnaomi #stealingtyler #stealingmillsaps. In addition to faxing, I can teach them about the answering machine, the virtues of a VHS tape, and introduce them to my P-touch label maker. Also, of course, Twitter. We will spend lots of time with the #tweet.

Until next time, loves.

#peace #pottymouth #rickperry #cool

You can buy my book What Remains here. Contact me on my website here. Of course, follow me on Twitter here, Facebook here, Pinterest here. Follow my sister in Oregon here and even though his tweets are lame follow Downstairs Tripp here.

The Countess: Sonja and I Are on the Outs

LuAnn reveals that her relationship with Sonja is still broken, and dishes on a possible new dance single.

Here we are, the end of another great Season! Personally for me, I'm so grateful to Bravo for giving me the opportunity to share my life and lessons learned once again with you!

The double date I had with Carole did look worse than it actually was. We all had a great time talking about the realities of dating these days and Carole opened herself up to Nick who was good looking, but is clearly not into having a serious relationship -- to put it kindly. I've grown very fond of Carole and think she's a great girl who has plenty of opportunities to date, but at the end of the day, she really likes being independent! Plus, it's hard to find a good man these days!

When Carole first started the show she thought she really knew me and had judged me! The show is just a small glimpse into my life as there are so many lives to follow. I'm not surprised she had preconceived notions about me. It's hard to get to know someone well through Housewives! Since then, we've spent more time together and have gotten a lot closer.

Speaking of being close. . .Carole and Heather are tight! I understand why Heather came to Carole's defense towards Aviva -- that's what you do when you're a true friend! I would prefer she doesn't say MF, but that's what I like about Heather. . .She's GANGSTA CHIC! (maybe that's my new dance single. . .LOL). She really doesn't care what people think. I thought Aviva said enough to Carole that was hurtful, so throwing out the age comment was really uncalled for!

I admire Heather. She has two beautiful children, a huge business to run and Housewives! Wonder Woman indeed. The way she handles her son and his illness on the show is inspirational!! I wish there were more women like her on the planet!

When Ramona brought up Sonja's financial problems I was surprised. It's really considered inappropriate to talk about the money problems of others! Like I said, "Karma's a bitch!" I hope Ramona is in a good financial place after the unfortunate split up of her and her husband! Can't even say his name. I've never been very fond of that man! NO big loss for Ramona! Ramona is a survivor and will do just fine!

I'm sure its not the first time Aviva has thought about throwing her leg at someone? It's highly likely she gave it thought. I'm not so sure how these things work but it came off really quickly? LOL! Thank goodness she has many limbs!

On that note, what a Season 6 we've had. Our trip to Montana was epic for me so, Thanks to Kristen our newest Housewife for that! I'm happy Carole and I are closer and sad Sonja and I are on the outs. Until now we've had no contact with each other. You all know how I feel about Ramona, and Aviva still has her leg by the way. I love all of you ladies for whatever crazy reason! Doing the show is a very bonding experience that most people don't get to have so again, I'm grateful!

So for the moment, I'm enjoying the last weeks of summer with my kids and in no time will be getting them back to school! So very proud of my kids. I'm also very busy working on my apparel collection for ShopHQ for Fall. Hope to see you all again soon!!!


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