Dorinda Medley: I Know What Scrutiny Is

Dorinda thinks real friends shouldn't grandstand private information in front of strangers.

My goodness! I have to say that the gild is not only off this lily, but it has been scraped off, melted off, trampled on, etc.

This episode was one of the hardest and most painful episodes I have ever sat through. And even though we eventually move past it, it really angered me. Truly, madly, deeply angered me. I couldn’t think of anything else the next day. How much crueler could Bethenny and my “dear friend” of 20 years, Ramona, be?! So disappointed and sad — surprised and horrified, too. But I’ll get into that a bit later.

I know I gushed about Jules, the newbie, before, but it is going to continue, so sit back. Seeing Jules in her favorite place — home — being her favorite thing — a mom and a wife —brings me a huge smile and it really warms my heart. Home is where Jules truly shines. If she's not preparing a Shabbat dinner for her husband and 20 people, she's on the floor playing with her kids. The adage “home is where the heart is” is 100% personified by Jules. When I visit and those elevator doors open, I feel like I just landed in Neverland. (The real one, not the creepy one.) In many ways, it brings me back to my own past: mornings at home between 6AM and 8AM when everything is frantic, crazy, breakfast is almost cold, have to make sure teeth are brushed, hair is brushed, shoes are laced up, coat is warm enough, husband’s coffee was still hot and he didn’t wear the same tie twice in one week…it was like running Grand Central in 1/10th the space! By 8:30AM, I was ready for a nap! How amazing is it that women can cook, bathe, and clothe children, grown men, themselves, and a dog or two…every single day, five times a week. The glamorous life of ordinary mothers and their ordinary lives!

Jules’ children…hold on a minute…those children are SO BEAUTIFUL. You will fall in love with them. Honestly, the most beautiful toddlers I’ve seen in New York in years. Absolute perfection! I give a particular shout out to Little Miss Rio, because she loves John and is always trying to steal kisses from him behind my back. For anyone to criticize how she mothers and how she is as a wife is out of bounds. No one here is the poster child for a ANYTHING, and we’re all doing our best. Of course, even though Jules is a new moving target, there’s an elephant in the room, so to speak…John.

Ok, so now let’s scrape the gold off this darling lily. How about that phone call with Ramona and Bethenny? It was like Mean Girls on acid, just add a few decades here and there. Just really gross. Here I was, planning something cute and light and FUN for the girls (and only girls), but they were setting up some ambush between The Two Towers. It truly left my jaw on the floor, because I saw it was a serious premeditated ambush. This wasn’t a drive-by crime of passion, this was First Degree Ambush. Unbelievable and sickening. Not only is it extremely hurtful and shows that they have ZERO manners and discretion, but it proves that this wasn’t “the summer & fall of zero f---s,” because I'm clearly in her radar.

Not only is there a lot to talk about Dorinda, Dorinda, Dorinda, but there’s a FASCINATION with my life and relationship with John. Let me clear up a few things: John and I have never gone out with Bethenny Frankel as a couple. Ever. He’s met her a handful of times, at best. We don't even have friends in common, so her obsession with John and us as a couple is just plain odd. I’ve always had a knack for getting attention from other women — I was a 25-year-old blonde New Yorker who moved to London with my British businessman husband. I know this game. I know what scrutiny is and what it feels like, and I know contempt like few others ever will. But Ramona knows me 20 years and knows me really, really well. Bethenny, a year or two at most. Ramona knows what she was doing, and John would never say that to someone! Why would he? You think John doesn’t have an ego? The truth of the matter is, Ramona heard this from that Star Wars crowd and John doesn’t hang with that crowd because they’re all still stuck living a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. And on weekends, we’re usually in the Berkshires, not at the Plaza with Greedo and Jar Jar Binks. Ramona broke my heart simply and purely. It was disgusting and heart wrenching. It was wrong of Ramona to say it and just plain stupid for her to believe it in the first place. For Bethenny to suggest that Ramona’s clueless is just as ignorant as her own actions were arrogant. If either of them TRULY had my back, they wouldn’t grandstand in front of strangers and ruin the evening by humiliating me the way they did. Especially if they barely have a clue about my real relationship.

I wish Bethenny would try sharing some real life time with us, try getting to know us as a twosome, and then go on and form her opinion. But then, I wish manners and discretion would lead her to talk to ME, in private, and voice her concerns. She wouldn’t like an ambush like this and, to be honest, couldn’t survive one if it happened. God forbid someone responds with some REAL TRUTH. If “realness” and “truth” is what Bethenny’s all about, I think she should’ve gotten different taglines. There are plenty of words to describe that, but “real” isn’t one of them. She's taken the idea of "drive-by therapy" and turned it into a marketing initiative. Please stop, B, it's hurtful.

I spent the summer in the Berkshires. Last I checked, Great Barrington was about 127 miles away from New York City. (Thanks, Google.) One of the benefits of Great Barrington is that it is far away from the chaos that the city and The Girls bring to my life. Last summer, I went to the Hamptons once…yes, ONCE. We ended up at Bethenny's after visiting a few friends, including Luann, for a late-night dance party and a next-day brunch. The late-night party in her Skinnygirl pool house was filled with a bunch of other late-night revelers and friends and fire pits. We danced, we gabbed, we drank, we had a great Saturday night. Here’s the thing: There was one comment made about Hannah that I did not appreciate. Bethenny knows what I’m talking about. It got me angry, and I wasn’t going to back down about it, though I tried. The next day at brunch, I was still angry. But John was still manning the grill behind the pool for her and her 30 guests, because that's what a gracious guest does...and he's more than happy to do it. The comment the night before was not only unfair and out of line, it was also mean. That said, I didn’t expect our “off-time” to end up as fodder for everyone. In the end, I’ll stay true to character and reiterate what I said at the reunion: “The good news is, I don’t give a sh--!”

I’m a 51-year-old widow, Hannah is 22, and John is a 50-year-old single man. We’re fine living our lives, being happy when we’re happy and working to get back to happy when we’re not. The rest of our summer was amazing in Great Barrington with family and friends by the pool and with occasional appearances by rosé and mosquitos. Unless Bethenny can run her Skinnygirl empire from the Berkshires too, there’s nothing worth taking seriously about her comment. The constant scrutiny and speculation is not only unfounded, it’s downright defamatory. I think you’ll see this labeling of peoples’ lives and lifestyles become obnoxious and get old really quick. Of course, I’m not the only one in her firing range. It’s sad and it hurts. I respect Bethenny, and thought I was building a friendship, but who knows? I guess I’ll sit back and watch what happens…

xx,
Dorinda

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