Wow. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode, Boogie Fights. Things in the OC are definitely heating up.
Before I jump into the heart of the matter, I have to say my favorite part of the episode was the banter between my daughter, Jolie, and I whilst we were getting our nails done. How beautiful, funny and precocious is our little girl! I could watch that scene a 1000 times and never tire of her cuteness.
In anticipation of Shannon's '70s theme party, Vicki and I were excited and looking forward to whooping it up. At this juncture, Shannon had never really warmed up to me, seemed to resent my attempts at humor, and had been acting aloof overall. Regardless, I appreciated her invitation and the chance to bond with Shannon during what I hoped was going to be fun event.
Michael, Vicki and I made our entrance, said hello to Vicki and David, et al. Things were fine for literally only about five minutes. Then, it started. Shannon's shenanigans.
One of the first people we encountered was a prior acquaintance, Jaci (pronounced Jackie). I was friendly and acknowledged that the last time I saw her was when I ran into her at the Montage in Deer Valley. Her response of "Yeah, but you weren't with him" (pointing at Michael) was crass and disrespectful to say the least. Michael knew something was amiss immediately. For the one and only time in his life he flashed Jaci the L-to-the-forehead "LOSER" sign, just to make sure she knew what he thought of her insult.
When Shannon joins us and seems shocked that Jaci and I know each other. I am rather confused.
Soon after greeting Jaci, Michael and I broke away from the group as we explored the venue. I whispered to Michael "What was that?" meaning the awkwardness with Jaci, to which he whispered back, "Watch out, Shannon is up to no good". Wow, was he prophetic.
To be clear, for Shannon to say she didn't know that Jaci and I knew each other is complete hogwash. It was her intention, with her little staged expose featuring Jaci and Nina, to deceitfully and nefariously lay out Shannon's version of the truth about my history with Michael, with the guy I dated whilst Michael and I were separated, and God knows what other heinous gossip she wanted to air.
I have no idea what Shannon's agenda was, but it blew up in her face. Quoting Jaci "This isn't going like I thought it would." Really? What your plan with Shannon? Clearly, those two were in cohoots before I ever walked in the door.
Shannon conspired with those women (notice I used a nice term here, instead of female dogs) to advance her own interests, whatever they were or are. Tamra, to her credit, clued into the scheme immediately and alerted me to what was going on. Thank you Tamra. Love you for that.
Listen Shannon, if you wanted to know anything and everything about me, you could easily just stopped by, or given me a call, and I would gladly, truthfully, tell you whatever you'd like to know. I am an open book.
Rather than just asking me to address these "rumors" one-on-one, Shannon chose to give these women a vehicle to spread their hateful lies. Well, Shannon now has a better idea of who she was messing with. As they say, "The best laid plans of mice and bitches often go astray."
Oh, a few words on Nina, besides reminding me of Hank Azaria's role as Agador Spartacus in the Birdcage (in all his flamboyant Guatamala-ness), she squandered her 15 seconds of fame by demonstrating just how people "with the same lifestyle [as Shannon]" are classless liars with whorish mouths. When Nina said "I don't have to suck dicks to pay my bills", I think she was projecting herself.
Note to Shannon... You're known by the company you keep. Great job defending Nina. You claimed I provoked her, so she pushed back? How? By trying to find Vicki's purse that she hid for some reason? Seriously?
To any objective viewer (not you haters) it's unmistakable that Shannon tried to set me up and paint me in the worst possible light, not through facts, but through the most vicious kinds of rumors. Sick, right?
So, yes I was pissed.
Yes, I called Shannon "f***ing ugly." At the time, all I saw in her was her nasty aura. Karma is a bitch and so is Shannon.
Yes, I called her "f***ing dumb," because it was beyond stupid for her think she could get away with it. I called her out for conspiring with those bitches to set me up. She lied and denied it. How ironic that this prevaricator stood as judge and jury over Vicki for supposedly lying?
As for my Mrs. Roper comments, Shannon ending up spinning it as though she planned on being Mrs. Roper the whole time. Yeah, right. If so, then why didn't she just own it from the start instead of considering my moniker an insult. "I didn't insult you at your party" she said. Which one was it? Lying and spinning, again and again. Actually, me calling her Mrs. Roper was being kind. Michael thought she looked like a demonic gypsy. That's why he kept asking, "that's '70s?" Gypsies are '70s? Anyway, Mrs. Roper stuck. Rather, Hooker Mrs. Roper. Tamra is so funny.
To cap off a tumultuous evening, David lost any sense of decorum and turned into a little bitch by attacking Vicki. Vicki's my girlfriend and I couldn't just stand by and watch her be attacked by a bully. To Vicki's credit she stood up to him and represented all women oppressed by men. So proud of her.
At this point, the party sucks! We (Vicki, Michael and I) can't wait to get out of there. I am not sorry we missed the completely distasteful streaking debacle. As Heather said, it was the lowest point of the evening and that is saying a lot.
So, in the end, this moves my relationship with Shannon from cold and aloof, and from my perspective, mildly annoying, to contentious and confrontational. Can Shannon and I mend fences after all her scheming and my meltdown? Stay tuned.