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Tamra Barney

Close to my Shoulder Pads

Tamra reflects on her favorite decade and all the drama from this episode.

Mar 7, 2012

I thought I would do my blog a little different this week. I am answering your questions about last night’s episode from my Facebook and Twitter.

Q. Tamra, loved the '80s themed party! Do you think Gretchen should have tried a little harder to persuade Slade to not involve you and the other housewives at Improv? Has this had an impact on your friendship today?
A. I'm not 100 percent convinced that she did not know he was going to use us in his act, after all me and Vicki were not invited for a reason. No, it really has not impacted our friendship in the long run. At first I was a little pissed off, but I got over it.

Q. I have two questions for you: 1. Would you ever get married again? 2. Given that you've been through a lot recently, divorce, etc., is there anything you would have done differently or would do differently in future (romance wise)?
A. Yes, I can't wait to be married again. Eddie is an amazing guy and I love him with all my heart. There are a lot of things I could have done different in my life, but you learn from your mistakes. One thing I will never do again is settle.

Q. Why did you allow Slade to come to your party?
A. The party was planned and the guys were invited prior to the Improv act. I was not even sure that Slade would show up to the party after what he did at the Improv.

Q. Do you really ever hang with any of the O.C. cast when not filming?
A. Yes, Some of us do hang out off camera. I have been good friends with Vicki for five years and we do a lot together. Heather, Gretchen, and I hang out and sometimes we allow the guys to tag along LOL.

Q. Why do you defend a man like Slade who called your good friend a pig?
A I have never defended Slade for what he did. I had a talk with Vicki in her kitchen and said "let's kill him with kindness" SO, I am trying my hardest to do just that. Being the bigger person is sometimes much harder.

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The 80's were great and so was the white house...please. I really feel you blow with the wind and whomever is there...that's your friend. You truly have commitment problems all the way around. Marriage, family, friends and even yourself. Vickie has been a true friend and I can not say that for you. You are always looking for what makes you look good or to advance yourself. Sorry

Tamra What a good way to blog I was pleasntly surprised by you this season love the new Tamra you were hard to like before that whole mean girl routine and all peace and blessings to you and yours !

So glad your taking the high road and not letting anyone get between your relationship. What's between y'all in between y'all a great lesson for young people.

Gosh what a relief this blog is. Just fun and straightforward. If one is straightforward without meanness, then no one should be ticked. I guess I wish everyone would just say, yo, I am also responsible for what happened, but so far, Tam is the only taker on that one. Still think Slade is a douche but you know what, he's Gretchen's douche so whatever.

Tamera, I think your a classy lady. After that Scumbag Slade talked smack about you, apparently he thought he was funny. He made a fool of himself, he looked like a big A hole, no one was laughing.I thought you handled your self so elegantly. I was so proud of you,handling it like a true star! You go girl!

The 80s were wonderful years.

I don't care what you said. The White House was awesome.

Hey Girl :) I love that you're refreshed , staying away from the drama . I just hope you don't get sucked into it . Its time to be a grown successful woman & I think you're becoming more of that . Less drama is better anyways . With Vicki though , I just hope you aren't being a fake friend or anything . Its just a bit confusing because Vicki always stood behind you in previous seasons , its always you who doesn't stand by her . All in all , just do the right thing . I love you regardless how stupid and mean you get sometimes . xxx

I have a very important questions that I'm sure someone asked but you decided to skip: "Why do you hate Alexis so much? What has she ever done to you?" Seems to me like Alexis was always nice to you and then you just turned on her. Even if you don't like her, do you have to talk about her all the time? She doesn't spend that much time talking about you.

You are my favorite housewife! You keep it real and your honest, and I love your sense of humor. You have changed a lot since last season, you seem so much happier. I wish you nothing but the best in life, and with Eddie. :)

Tamra, Well, for what it's worth: the ending surprise of the men arriving in 80's garb was a great idea! That is, except seeing Slade's smug expression. I can't stand him in or out of a dated mullet. He's a sleaze bag. I didn't recognize Eddie at all. And you looked amazing!! I thought Alexis looked exactly like herself (with an added fake mole). She IS a drama queen with a double digit I.Q. Gretchen looked adorable and more like Madonna than whiney Alexis. btw: Was Jim there too I didn't notice him. Heather looked fabulous as a Robert Palmer gal. It's too bad that your friend Ricky instigated a fight. You can dress him up, but you can't take him anywhere...

I actually enjoyed your bolg. You answered "real" questions we all were wondering about. I, myself, like it that you and Gretchen are getting along. It is GREAT to see that you girls are doing stuff together instead of all the drama. I wasn't going to watch this year because of it but decided to give it one more shot. I am glad that I did. The painting party and the 80's party was good and I am hoping more of this seasons episodes are like this. This gives us an idea of what you girls do besides argue. I know the season has just started, but I already like it and hope this is the theme through out the season. I LOVE that it has not been a drama filled episodes, I will continue to watch until it does. These episodes remind me of what RHOC used to be in the beginning, parties and trips and fun.... :)

I hope you aren't doing a "Camille Grammer" and playing nice with Gretchen just to keep the viewers from disliking you so much this season. While I don't agree with Slade's act at all, you did dish it out, so it's only fair if it comes back. I hope you stay on this "being a bigger person" path. It's far more attractive on you.

Tamra, Slade wants to be a Houswife so bad please let him lol. He's with Gretchen because so he can be on the show and also he has no money I think she supports him. I think you're doing the right thing kill him with kindness.

He makes himself look bad picking on you and Vicki and arguing with you all. A real man wouldn't do that. His stand up was awful smh. Team Tamra all the way.

Hello Tamra, Wow, you have really grown from your first season! I love seeing you and Gretchen bury the hatchet! Also, thank you for answering all these questions so many of us had!!! Wish more of the housewives would do this! Wishing you all the best! And btw, I love and appreciate your humour!

So glad you and Gretchen are friends now! I think you guys are two peas in a pod and will be fun to watch. Now, if Bravo would just get rid of Alexis and Vicki the show would be so great!

I must admit that I was seriously thinking of not watching this season, you and Vickie were awful. But this year you really seem to be trying to be a nice person, I must say thank goodness!

Like the format. Keep on being a great mom to your kids. You're too pretty to be bitchy!

Tamra-I will be the 1st to admit that I haven't always been the biggest fan of you, (you often came off as a bully to me), but my feelings have changed this season. You seem so happy, and like you're in a great spot in your life, and it's really showing in your personality!

"Don't let "sound bites" persuade you into thinking something different is going on, actions speak louder than words...The funny thing with TV is. . .if you hear me say over and over again "She hurt me. She hurt me." you will believe I hurt her even if you never saw a thing happen."

I enjoyed that little insight into the reality TV/Housewives filming.

Love the more positive, happier refreshed you this year. You also look better than ever. Given all that, why can't you give it a rest with picking on Alexis? So tired of hearing nasty, negative comments about her to other people and in your interviews.

Loved it! Loved it!Loved it! You are the bomb, Tamra!

Love you Tamra. I always knew you were this person, I always saw a really good person. So glad to see you moving on and enjoying life.

Tamral......Love the fact that you and Gretchen are getting along. I think the two of you together is better than the two of you being enemies.

I love the threesome of you, Gretchen and Heather. I think all of you have the same attitude about life. All 3 very smart gals.

You are certainly a wise girl to want to be able to take care of yourself and your kids and not have to depend on a partner. Live your dreams, whatever they may be.

Take care and the person you really are is starting to show itself.

Tamra, I am so proud of you for how you acted in this episode. I do not know what was with that guy sitting by Vicki, trying to stir up trouble, but you did a wonderful job of trying to diffuse the situation. I do not think you betrayed Vicki at all. I can see why she thought that, but if you look at the bigger picture, a third person was really trying to cause trouble and you were battling against that. Also, like you said, you invited Slade ahead of time.

I am glad you and Gretchen are becoming friends.

oh my, Im almost liking you this year... Who would have thought.

I like you. You don't need to be controversial to be relevant. Whatever you are doing to your face is making you look older. I'm sorry. I didn't want to say it but it shows class when you are confident and can grow old gracefully. Say all you want about everyone "doing it" but you cannot use that as a defense. Everyone has different genes and different physicians.

Tamra, I love the woman I have slowly seen you become over the years. This season you are hands down my favorite housewife. You evoke so much confidence that you are glowing. I see no wrong doing in keeping the invite open for Slade to come to the party. I don't feel you were throwing Vicki under the bus. On the contrary, if you had told Slade not to come, that would have been choosing sides. I don't see it where people say you are kissing Gretchen's ass. I see it as you trying to move forward and eliminate all of the negativity from your life. It's nice to see you so in love with Eddie. I do think that Vickie threw you under the bus in her last blog stating "Tamra sticks to one friend a season and if that friend doesn't like someone then you just agree with them". If anything, I think Vickie has done that. Just keep doing what you do. I wish you nothing but the best.

YOU ROCK TAMRA!!!! LOVE YOU GIRL!!!!

I love you this season...you have moved on with your life and you seem so much happier...god bless you and your family!

Great job tamra keep it up....

Bravo Tamara for being the bigger person. Nice to see the change in you this season. I actually enjoy watching you this season. I do not beleive everything I see on here, but beware of Heather. She seems to be a bit of a snob. Congrads to you and Eddie. Dont let Vicki make you pick her over Gretchen, she is just jealous of the new friendship.

I think you need to get over yourself. You aired Slades dirty laundry on the show. I think he is a deadbeat but that was none of your business. You are mean to people. You need to leave Alexis alone she is clueless. So what if Slade made fun of you. Consider the source and also you opened up that box with your behavior

Tamra, you have turned me around this year. I was always your least favorite fan because you were so vindictive toward everyone except Vicki. You are like a breath of fresh air this year and I can now say I applaud you and am impressed with who you are now. I am so enjoying watching you and Gretchen develop a friendship and putting the past behind you. I was hoping the two of you could do this because I felt all along, and you won't like this; but the two of you are really so much alike, I knew you could be great friends. Look how much fun you are having with each other when the ugly stuff goes away!! I just hope it doesn't end. I'm still not a fan of Slade's and I think Gretchen could do better, but none of us are so perfect that we can judge others choices. True friends are there for each other, no matter what. Kudos to you - don't let me down girl, lol!

Tamra, Enjoyed your Q and A Blog! You've come a long way, baby!! So glad to see your new, improved, positive "tude"! Clearly, you and Simon are making the very best of a difficult situation. I understand Congratulations are in order, if so Best Wishes to you and Eddie! Hope the kids are doing great!!

"I'm not sure what advice was better that day. . .push away the carbs or kill Slade with kindness?" OMG! You are SO funny!!!!!!!!! Thanks for starting my day with laughter :)

Tamra, It is good to see you working hard on your behavior this season. It is much better than the interfering and the sniping. You should explain to Vicki what you are trying to accomplish and why. If you leave people out of the loop (as in I am trying to repair my relationship with Gretchen)then they aren't going to believe you are genuine or be confused as Vicki is in these episodes. It is sneaky to be seeing Gretchen and not letting on what your motivation is.

Glad your taking the high road with Slade. No reason to sink to his level. I like you better this season. Gretchen too. I just wish she'd ditch Slade!

NICE! Your comments & answers are classy. Keep up the good work with this behavioral change. As I posted on Heathers blog, and YOU SEEM TO BE VERY AWARE OF IT NOW, that Vicki has an ability to manipulate and snag people into her passive aggressive crap. I do however, DISAGREE that she has always appeared so strong, paraphrasing you. She has NEVER appeared that way in ALL of the years of this show. She is wound so tight and it is so sad to see people like her. Her control issues have ruined her life, her marriages & her children's lives. For a mother to appear at her childs college apartment with alcohol and party time in mind, is SO WRONG on many levels. I truly think she can be a very nice person, but she is a person that I would NEVER ALLOW IN MY LIFE. It is great that you can be there as her friend but you and your family come first also. I apologize for being so harsh on her, but when you all sign up for these shows, you are signing up for the good, the bad and the ugly. AND, I DO NOT MEAN HER PHYSICAL APPEARANCE, SLADE!!! He is disgusting!

Haven't liked you too much in past seasons... but this one is different. You seem willing to listen, happier, more focused on you and your life than the lives of others. You seem happy - and willing to spread that happiness around. Good for you, Tamara!

I am starting to really really like you but for goodness sakes, its "Vicki and I" not me and Vicki! I was taught to figure out how to say it correctly, you would take the other person out of it , (i.e. me went to the store) doesn't sound right, so change me to I and place yourself last!) Okay enough lessons!

Tamera- I loved the white tank you wore to the painting party. Can you reveal where you got that from? Thanks!

I thought this was a great idea. Good honest answers i believe.

I love, love, love the new Tamra...you go girl! Stay away from Vicki. I still can't believe how upset she was with the whole "Slade" thing...What goes around comes around....You both had that coming, I would have said worse had you attacked me like that...

I am not a fan of Alexis, but you invited her to your party and then you gathered the girls around you and made fun of her. A hostess should be nice to all her guests. You did not like when Slade made fun of your body, but you did the same to Alexis.

I think you are trying Soo hard to be liked, you know how popular is Gretchen......and believed or not she is a great person, I don't know why are you so jealous...You have everything to be HAPPY

Tamra, obviously you are not fat, and people say that pictures don't lie, but the wrong angle or lightening can kill anybody. As far as Vicki is concerned, she needs to get over herself. You're not in Junior High, if you want to be friends with anybody that is your business and for Vicki to act so shocked and hurt, either meant she was playing for the cameras or she really does have a child's mentality.

Tamra. I do agree that you are better this season. But its only been the first couple of shows so I will reserve my opinion on how much you changed for now. I dont understand why you and Vicki are acting like victims when you guys started this war with Slade. Gretchen never went after you but you went after her from the 1st season she was on the show. It seems to me that you have to have it out for someone every season. When Alexis came on the show you were the one who was up her butt and now she is on ur crap list. I will believe you truly changed when you leave the petty Middle School behavior behind and stop finding faults with the others. Truly Tamra it makes you look jealous. I wouldnt be surprised if next season its you and Heather who are at it. I can tell she looks at you as low class and tacky. Gretchen and you have similar humor but for some reason you come across as vulgar. You take it to that place that it shouldnt go. Eddie gives the impression of being a gentlemen. I would be surprised if you two get married. Its not that you have to change to please your man but there are general boundaries that should be respected. You need to learn those boundaries

Tamra, Well, I REALLY think you've changed for the better! I don't think you're mirroring Camille's behavior (which I really admired this past season) but I think you're making more mature/wiser decisions independently-and that's really refreshing to see! You can choose your friends and Vicki will just need to move on...for goodness sake, she should be happy for peace between you & Gretchen!!! As far as the whole Slade thing, I thought his little routine actually should have been embarrassing to him--not you (or Vicki). Heather is spot on!! Take the high road, kill him with kindness and maybe it'll work out. YOU'RE MUCH MORE LIKEABLE THIS SEASON!!! Alexis is difficult to watch/listen to... She engages mouth before her brain and so often appears very uninformed and unintelligent. She too should be happy that you & Gretchen can move beyond (I thought Christian's encouraged forgiveness??). I don't care for the word "stupid" but I do have to fast forward through a LOT of her scenes. It's just painful.... I'm glad you put your mean girl routine behind you. Softer/kinder and more tolerant looks so much better on you!

You handled the situation at your 80's party with such class. You kept your cool and showed no favorites. Thats what I call real class. Kudos to you. Now just get rid of Eddie. I can't help but think that he will hold you back by strangling your ideas of growing and expanding your life. Mark my words, I've seen it happen plenty. Please think about it. You've got too much going for you.

Tamara You and Gretchen should be friends, Vicky can dish it but she can not take it. I loved that you are your own person and not follwong Vicky like a puppy.