Hi guys! Sorry I didn't get to blog last week, I've been so busy with work, and I’m super excited because we recently acquired new Gretchen Christine offices with fulfillment and much needed warehouse space. So we have been crazy with moving and getting everything up and running! So exciting, but lots of work and its keeping me crazed!
I feel like I have so much to cover on these last two episodes, so forgive me in advance for my very long blog! I am a writer and if you don't like to read long blogs then please just don't read mine. My blogs are for all the people that like to hear my behind-the-scenes thoughts and emotions. It's for those people who can appreciate me sharing my emotions and my vulnerability. You know how the old saying "there's much more to the story"? Well, please consider my blog a place for you to get the "much more." For me it's also a therapeutic way to deal with the crazy that often happens on this show.
Let's start with the whole Lauri thing! Whoa! First of all, as many of you can imagine I was beyond flabbergasted when Lauri was telling me about all of Vicki's extracurricular activities while being married to Donn. I had so many mixed emotions. I was confused, hurt, angry, and frustrated with this confirmation from such a close friend and confident of Vicki's. The truth is I have heard about Vicki’s extramarital affairs around town for years, but I refused to address it with her because:
1. I really didn't care because it didn't affect my life.
2. It was none of my business.
3. I refused to do to her what she did to me.
However, once Lauri decided to bring it up and confirm all the things I had been hearing, I found myself in a very hard predicament. How do I not get angry and address the woman that was accusing me of cheating on my dying fiancé, all the while she was the one actually having multiple affairs? What’s worse is that I now know that she was projecting and deflecting her own actions onto me as a means of covering it up. I was disgusted by what Lauri was telling me; however I knew if this information was going to be made public, it was up to Lauri too address Vicki, not me, no matter how upset I was. So I tried to rise above it and not say anything to Vicki – even though she was giving me opportunity after opportunity in Mexico just by the things she was saying and doing.
Of course she claims I was a filthy human being and should be ashamed of myself for discussing her actions, but who is she kidding? I mean she says I should be ashamed, yet she's the one deep throating a penis lollipop in the car and talking about how much she loves penis and is good at the gesture she was doing with that lollipop. What a joke. I simply did what all Housewives do, we have an opinion of each other’s actions. It’s not like Vicki has come up short in that department when it came to her opinion about me the last five years. In every interview I do, I'm just responding to what she was doing in that moment. It seems to me that Vicki can never take responsibility for her own actions, it's always everyone else's fault.
Here's what I believe the truth is: she's mad that she had no clue Lauri was telling me about all her affairs while being a married woman and in a desperate attempt to show she was more fun and the life of the party to Tamra, she did some pretty raunchy things that ended up validating Lauri's comments about her and she's mad she got busted. In the last two episodes, she basically ran herself over with a 9000 lbs bus, by HER OWN actions. I didn't even have to say anything to her and she just kept proving Lauri’s point. I really hate to say it, but as the saying goes karma is quite the bitch right?
My biggest question for this woman has always been, why throw stones when you live in a gigantic glass house? But I guess Vicki never thought it would catch up with her. I believe she has become very accustom to just living the lie. Laurie is the third person to come forward. Vicki’s own daughter Brianna confirmed she was aware of the cheating, then Tamra spoke about the guy in Mexico last year on our reunion and now Lauri. Vicki has been caught lying and cheating and somehow it’s my fault? What a crock of bull-pucky! Laurie was sure right about one thing, Vicki likes to deflects everything about herself onto those around her!
Here’s the bottom line: I would not have had issues with Vicki’s behavior that weekend if she hadn't been such a hypocrite for all these years while, accusing me of crazy things while she was the one doing them. As you can see I was having fun the whole weekend, with all the penis décor and the strippers etc. as well. The difference is I haven’t been trying to pretend I am this good Christian wife who reads my Bible every week and cries saying "God hates divorce" -- all the while doing the exact thing God says is not OK in a marriage and trying to pull the wool over everyone’s eyes in the meantime.
This will be a nice segue into this week’s episode. It’s beyond obvious to me that Vicki was determined to put a wedge between Tamra and I. She was so full of joy that I was left behind that night that she even said "my plan worked," which Tamra confirmed the next day. That Vicki made such an obvious premeditated comment like that even bothered Tamra. Vicki's true intentions have become very clear.
It is sad Vicki gets so much enjoyment out of hurting me. It also was beyond eerie for me to see Vicki standing up there looking down at me and Tamra talking on the beach and coming up with some convoluted thought about how I was somehow sucking Tamra back in, which couldn't have been further from the truth! Tamra was confiding in me about a lot of different things and it had nothing to do with me sucking her back into my trap or whatever Vicki’s delusional brain was telling herself. Tamra telling me she has never shared these thoughts and emotions with anyone, not even Vicki, just goes to show how Tamra and I just have a different relationship then what she is use to having with the people in her life. For Vicki to act like I did something wrong or evil because I was there for a friend during a vulnerable time goes to show how truly delusional she is.
Even Lydia called Vicki out about her insecurities and competitiveness with me, and then Heather further confirmed that Vicki is extremely competitive when it comes to her friendship with Tamra versus mine. And Vicki still can't see it? Well just for the record, there is no competition from my side! I don't want to nor have I ever wanted to compete with her for Tamra's friendship! I’m not that desperate for friends in my life. I already have many great friends in my life. She wins! I simply was being there for a friend during a vulnerable moment, that's it! No secret mission, no plot as Vicki claimed to Lydia. Once again, a great example of Vicki deflecting what she did the night before onto me.
Vicki has had an issue with me from day one, which I could never quite figure out, and that brings me to our “talk” on the chairs by the pool. I was sincerely trying to have an adult conversation and try to relate to her and work through whatever issue she had with me, however she just turned into a five year old and claims that I'm so perfect and a princess. The truth is I've never made such an arrogant claim that I was perfect or acted as if I was a princess. If you think about it, while Vicki is always talking about how she has to work, I just do it, and the businesses I have created and the things I have designed are just evidence of my work ethic (just look back over the last five years). I've always worked my ass off for everything I have and that is the furthest thing from the definition a princess. It's actually really sad in some ways because Vicki’s crazy comments are so unjustified that they continue to show her own insecurities. I actually feel bad for her.
However, that being said, I think the most mind-boggling part was when Vicki says I should look up to her as a "mentor" and respect her. Huh? Someone please explain to me, what in the world has she been a mentor to me about? And what has she done to earn my respect? She's done nothing but shown hatred towards me from day one, she's accused me and others of the improprieties she herself is doing, she has talked down and attempted to belittle me, she always claims nothing I do is legitimate, she says my companies are never going to make it, and she's always trying to convince others I'm a bad person (especially Tamra). Yet somehow, despite all that, I'm supposed to respect her and look up to her as a mentor? What planet does this woman live on? Newsflash Vicki I learned my work ethic and how to live my life with integrity from my parents. They are my mentors, certainly not you.
I know this all sounds harsh and I'm not by any means saying I haven't made mistakes or screwed up in my life (because God knows I have) but the difference between Vicki and I is that I can cop to my mistakes. I have no problem saying “Wow”, I should not have done that and I am sorry." Vicki will always have a reason, excuse, or justification for her actions -- no matter who it hurts or affects. I don’t think she will ever realize most of the issues in her life stem from her choices. In Vicki’s eyes, it's always someone else's fault. I can only hope and pray that one day she will stop hating me and we can try to just move forward, but until that day comes I will not allow her to mistreat, belittle, or project onto me anymore. Enough is enough!
I know that was a lot on that subject but it has been five years in the making due to the crap, pain, and ugliness she has spewed onto me, so as I said in the beginning it’s almost therapeutic to get all my emotions out about it.
Now onto other things! Obviously Heather and I were beyond upset when we were left behind at the restaurant, and even though Vicki was the leader of the pack Lydia and Tamra are grown woman and knew what they were doing. They should have said "no this is not cool” and turned around. I was beyond disappointed they didn't. I was happy to see Lydia kept trying to call us at least, but bottom line they all stayed out till 2 am, and, as Tamra said, they were more interested in partying and getting drunk and ultimately proved that they didn't give a damn about our feelings. I really don't think I could have ever done that to a "friend," especially ones that took time away from family and work to put the whole weekend together for me.
As hurt as I was and as much as I wanted to get on a plane and just come back home the next morning, I knew that is exactly what Vicki wanted me to do, and I wasn't going to let her get the best of me. I knew I had to be the bigger person and just suck it up for the sake of being there for Tamra. Many people didn't know the stress I had going on in my life at the time. Between Grayson being in the hospital and not waking up and right before the Mexico trip I had been in trial for three weeks dealing with the individual that was harassing me, I was exhausted -- mentally, physically, and emotionally. But I still found energy to go shopping for bachelorette party and put together those fun gift bags because I really wanted it to be special for Tamra and fun for the girls. So needless to say, I felt like when she just ran off with Vicki (who just a week earlier Tamra texting me negative things about) it was a huge slap in the face -- and actually a big wake up call to me. I realized that night that I cared more about Tamra than she cared about me.
I have to admit, Tamra confuses me. The next day when I addressed her about why she sabotages relationships with people who get close to her and actually care about her, she broke down and gave me a glimpse into why she is the way she is. I found myself feeling sad for her and allowing the prior nights activities to just be forgotten. She has this ability, even when she does you wrong, to make you believe she didn't mean to do it. Unfortunately, someone like me who tends to wear their heart on their sleeve is always going to fall for it because I want to believe her and believe she had not ill intent. Most call it naive, but I like to consider it always looking for the good in someone.
Our conversation on the beach was nearly two hour long. We talked about so many things and I'm sad they couldn't show it all. Tamra said some very complimentary things about me as a person and a friend, and it made me feel good that she actually recognizes those character traits about me. However, it's conversations like these that no matter how hurt I am I feel like I get sucked back in to thinking she cares about the friendship the same way I do. In these moments she makes me feel like we are actually very close. For example when she says “I've never talked to any friend but you about these things before" etc., it confuses me, because if she feels safe enough to share these very intimate details with me it leads me to believe she really trusts me and considers me a very close friend.
But just as soon as she says that to me, it can drastically change the next day. All of the sudden, she’s completely standoffish to me or is best friends with someone again after she just complained about how that person wronged her or said she doesn't really like them. It's a weird pattern and it’s been such a hurtful path with her. The only good thing was that after having this talk with Tamra is that at least now I know why she does it. It’s not because of something I did or didn't do, it’s just who Tamra is and I have to learn to accept that. I care too much about people and it gets me hurt often. My parents always questioned me growing up. "How many more times are you going to get hurt before you learn?" Guess I'm still learning.
I was also frustrated about what went down in the limo with Lydia. I felt it was very insensitive what she said with Heather and I sitting right there, and more so how defensive she got when we said that wasn't very nice. I also feel like she kind of stirred the pot by asking if we were all good in the car, which brought the mood down and forced us to address something Heather and I were clearly trying to move past. Then once we stated our true feelings she claims we are sulking and making it uncomfortable? How does that make sense, she brought it up?
My whole idea about that weekend was to fly in on Friday after a long work week for everyone, have a relaxing dinner (so we didn't get too drunk and didn't want to do anything the next day) get a little taste of the culture/ town in the next day, lay by the pool, get massages and then party it up the second night in our own private suite! Needless to say Vicki refused to allow it to be what I had planned and deep down I believe she was angry she wasn't the one throwing the bash (because she and Tamra had their falling out). So she was going to try and ruin it as best she could. Funny how a woman who shows me no respect is expecting it from me in return.
I did my best to forget the night before and just rise above it. I was determined to get along with Vicki, even if it killed me! I just wanted it to be the fun party I had planned, complete with everything Tamra said she wanted when she called me while she was packing, “A naked wasted with penises party!" Well, I think I delivered a lot of what she wanted, when it was all said and done! LOL!
Oh holy hell with Mexican strippers! Needless to say not my idea of strippers! They were scary and pretty raunchy! Note to self: do not ever hire Mexican strippers again. Heather was hilarious in the back of the room with her gloves and Febreeze! That's a good sport if you ask me! She's obviously not into strippers either, but she found a super cute way to still be involved and be a part of the silliness without making everyone feels like they were being judged for having some good old fashion fun during a bachelorette party! Good on you Heather! Some of the other girls should take notes.
The night ended up being a blast. We all laughed so much and there where so many hilarious moments that couldn't be shown. We actually played a bunch of really funny stupid games! I was so relieved that for one night, Vicki and I got along and had some fun together for the sake of Tamra.
Although my favorite part of the whole night was watching Tamra, myself, and Vicki trying to take a pregnancy test! OMG! I was dying! It was so flipping funny! See, us girls really can get along and laugh for at least a full five minutes. LOL.
On another note, I'm getting tons of requests about the bikini I wore on the beach, and I'm excited to say it's one from my own line!! Gretchen Christine 4 Luxe by Lisa Vogel available at Swimspot Retail stores and swimspot.com! We have styles for all body types too! I'm going to be doing a round of appearances promoting the line in all the retail stores in the weeks to come so please come by and say hello if you're in the town.
Thanks again for all the love on all my social media sites! I truly have the best fans ever! You guys are loyal and kind and supportive and I love talking with you guys!
Stay in touch by Twitter/facebook (@gretchenrossi) or Instagram (gretchenchristine1) and of course check out my website for all things Gretchen Christine!
Till next week! Many blessings!