Hugh Acheson

Hugh Acheson will not be showing this episode to his children.

on Aug 29, 2012

Takashi has made oysters with yuzu, sea urchin, and truffle. Oysters confound me. I love them but often think about the brave soul who was like, “Hey look, a rock with snotty stuff inside! I’m gonna eat this!” Sorry, I just made oysters forever unsexy. Dita is not following my chain of thought and thinks this is one sexy dish. Takashi is ecstatic but nervously reading the warnings on his Viagra bottle because his erection has lasted for eight hours. 

Is Curtis the most dazed we have ever seen him? He is so buying 50 Shades of Grey after this Quickfire. 

Patricia is looking to get out of her slump with a Chawanmushi, a Japanese savory custard. The adornments include caviar, tempura asparagus, and apple salad. Dita says, “It’s like a soft caress followed by a crisp smack.” Curtis has gone to Australian jelly in her hands. 

Chris’s foie with figs is kicking it. Dita she likey. She talks about eating figs naked and Curtis is now hiding his Wallabee, a Outbackian term I just invented for a boner. This is getting awkward. Man, the Elves are frisky this season. 

Kerry’s Uni and Tuni is getting raves. Dita she likes that too and makes more comments that make me blush. This may be the first episode of Top Chef Masters that I keep hidden from my children, like a collection of 1971 Playboys. 

Art and Lorena are in the bottoms. Art’s ego has gone home to have a nap. Lorena has failed to make cilantro sexy. That’s a hard mountain to climb. 

Tops are the Uni & Tuni from Kerry and also Takashi’s oyster. Takashi wins with the oyster. The winnings are money for the Red Cross and immunity. I think immunity will be off the table after this episode. Takashi has raised $20,000 for the Red Cross. That’s not sexy, but it is awesome. 

Northern Thai flavors time. Saipin in the house! I love Lotus of Siam! Rieslings and Thai food for lunch have always been a tradition for me. Patricia has a definite advantage in this Restaurant Wars: Thailand. Everyone must be responsible for one dish. 

They go out to the strip mall that houses Lotus. Lotus is not a fancy place at all, but really you should go there if you get the chance. The food rocks. Saipin won a Beard award two years ago. Totally badass.