Breed Facts

9 Indisputable Facts About Every Person Who Has a Dachshund

This one goes out to all the doxie lovers!

Dachshunds are one of those dog breeds that everyone loves — and why not? With their weird wiener-shaped bodies and pathetically sweet yaps and funny little walks, they elicit smiles from all who see them. Of course, not all Dachshunds are the same, but in general, everyone can agree they’re basically tiny wannabe bodyguards who look like Bratwursts.

Now Dachshund owners, on the other hand, are all the same. Because unlike dogs, humans are pretty much one-dimensional, and your breed preference is more or less a definition of your personality. So if you have a Dachshund, we also know the following to be 100% true:

You love amusement parks. Like, love amusement parks.

Rollercoasters and Ferris wheels and log flumes! Cotton candy and funnel cakes! Carnival games where you throw balls at milk bottles to win a plush Minion! What could be better?!

You have at least one tattoo.

Whether it’s a silly gecko that you got on your 18th birthday or a thoughtful tribute to your husband, you do not shy away from commitment. (Or pain.)

You are extremely brand loyal.

Let’s say you love a specific grapefruit foaming hand soap, but you see that a different grapefruit foaming hand soap is on sale for 50% less. Would you buy the cheaper one? NOPE.

You gesticulate when you tell stories.

It’s not really intentional, you just don’t know how else to properly convey all of the emotions you felt when you ran into your ex at Trader Joe’s.

You’ve moved to a new town where you knew no one and nothing.

Maybe you didn’t stay there terribly long or maybe it became your new home, but either way, you weren’t put off by the risks of fully venturing into the unknown.

You pick up new skills very quickly.

It took your friend a whole month to learn how to knit — then she showed you how to do it and you made a chenille scarf in like three seconds.

You sing “Bohemian Rhapsody” at karaoke.

You love how it has a lengthy plot, lots of dramatic key changes, and the fact that it’s six minutes long. Bonus: Even the grumpiest audience member gets into it at some point.

You really enjoy unloading the dishwasher.

There’s just something really satisfying about opening up that stainless steel door, feeling all of those magically squeaky-clean dishes, and putting them away in their proper places.

You have definitely snooped through some text messages in your day.

It’s not that you’re the jealous type, or that you’re worried or anything, it’s just that the occasional glance reaffirms everything is fine and makes you feel a little bit better.

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