A To Z

Andy Cohen explains how Dolly Parton got him through the weekend.

I am back in LA for another week. It is beautiful. But that's like saying I am watching George Bush and feeling powerless and irritated. It's a given.

I got here Friday night and I sat at the bar of the Sunset Tower wondering what I was doing back in LA. It stinks being somewhere when you feel like you should be somewhere else.

Sean Penn was in the corner and some chica in sequins was celebrating her birthday with a red, white, and blue cake that said MCCAIN in icing. Whaaat? That would be a 75-year-old lump o' coal in this reporter's birfday stocking. Is he 75? Remember how old Reagan seemed? McCain seems younger than Reagan ever did to me.

I worked all weekend and though I was fairly bitter and resentful about that, I am happy to report to you that we have some amazing new shows that are currently in production here. Starting this summer, I am hoping that you will love them.

Bruce and Liza are out here so I am stealing away to see them when I can. Liza and I saw George Clooney at the Tower on Saturday, so her plane ticket was amortized. And its Brucie's birthday today so HAPPY BIRFDAY BRUCIE!

Every time I reached for the razor blade to slit my wrists this weekend, I instead grabbed my iPod and put in Dolly Parton's new Backwoods Barbie CD. I am a few weeks late to the table but I am IN. There are many standouts, but I gotta give a big shout out to "Jesus and Gravity." Grab 99 cents and just download that today. I dare you. I will even give you the 99 cents if you don't have it. I don't know how we'd work the transaction out, but just do it! Dolly is the best.

And the B-52's first new CD in 16 years comes out this week!!! It's called FUNPLEX and I am at a fever pitch about it. Seriously, that makes me happy.

Did you see Cooper's profile of David Beckham on 60 minutes last night? I always love hearing his high tinny voice. Beckham's. He is dreamy. I am still trying to figure out what Andy Rooney's commentary was about. Was he saying everyone deserves health care? Is that considered "taking a stand?"

We were flipping between Extreme Home Makeover and Big Brother last night and it was like do-gooders vs. whores. Very jarring. Every year the intelligence of residents of that "house" in Studio City gets lower and lower. How do these people pass background and psych tests? They must be STD-ridden, right? Or no? Do they vote? Oh wait -- are these the people who voted for Bush?

In other news, The Jacksons are broke, so says yesterday's Post. They say Marlon stocks shelves at Vons Supermarket in San Diego. Oy. How does this happen, people? Marlon didn't diddle no little boys! He should be living in cashmere. Injustice stinks. Talk about being somewhere you shouldn't. Can Michael please stop with the vitiligo and tour with his brothers so they can all sleep at night without worrying about Marlon at Vons?

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