Beyond Bells, Borat, Billionaires, Barbara And Brooke

Andy Cohen covers all the bases.

Monday night I went to a screening of Borat at the Time Warner Center for a small crowd that can best be described as intense. There were two billionaires in my row, lemme put it that way.

The movie is so freaking funny that it doesn't matter who you see it with -- just see it. I was obsessing afterwords about what in the film is real and what isn't. But its pretty obvious that all the stuff with the real Americans is as real as it gets. How do people still fall for it and not recognize him? I reckon that there are tons upon tons of people who don't get HBO and this is proof.

Oh hey, by the way, before I continue with today's rambler of a blog, lemme plug that I am on the internet chat show Ring My Bell this afternoon so call in between 11-12 PST or log on to RingMyBell.tv.

I am a big Halloween guy -- I usually love it but this year has been problematic for me, costume-wise. I flew to LA yesterday with an invite to Heidi Klum's annual Halloween Party in hand. The problem was that I had no costume. I wanted to go as a Cardinal but, in my crazed state the last few days, I did not procure baseball pants. I pondered taking the easy way out with a sharpie to my neck for an instant Jeff Sebelia, but I thought it was too low-concept. Not only did I not go to the party, I didn't even make it to Santa Monica Blvd to see the insanity. You know what, you can't do everything.

A hotel-bound night is sometimes just what the doctor ordered. Beyond screening episode seven of Top Chef (loved it) and two episodes of "Real Housewives of Orange County" (which is better than last season -- can't wait for it to be on), I had some good phone time in which I inadvertantly got to the bottom of the Barbra Streisand drink-throwing incident at her concert Monday night in Ft. Lauderdale.

It turns out I randomly kind of know the guy who threw the drink at Streisand. What are the chances of that? The low point of Halloween was when I had the displeasure of watching ET, which routinely gives me gas bubbles and a migrane. It is weirdly fascinating that this particular show represents my trash-loving breaking point. Somehow it is this program that represents, above all others, crossing the line beyond the mass of crap that I find acceptable towards that which is just the worst.

How much did they pay, I wonder, for this interview with what looks to be a completely doped up Anna Nicole? They are promoing it as "the most riveting interview you have ever seen." EVER? Wait, so Mark Steines conducted the most riveting interview that I am ever going to see with the daughter of Cletus the Slackjawed Yokel? Oh, man. The world is over.

But then Mary Hart (or whoever the lady is in the Mary Hart Halloween Costume) points out that "Mark went all the way to the Bahamas" to do the interview! ALL THE FREAKING WAY TO IRAQ. I mean, all the way to the BAHAMAS. And then Mark says he couldn't believe how nice Anna was and that she was sooo sad about her dead son! Oh, and by the way, I have been told by ET that this is "the television event of the fall." And they ran the same promo five times over the course of an hour.


I guess one of my problems with ET is that it is utterly free of content. It is only teases and promos and air and Mary and nothing and teases for teases. They were teasing more teases of the Anna interview. I know that's a rich observation coming from an EP of "Battle of the Network Reality Stars," but at least that show had content, for hell's sake. I stand by it!!

Compared to ET, the local news in LA is like "MacNeil/Lehrer." It's all "news" about animals and "Desperate Housewives." I watched the my13 newscast to see if I could find out anything that's going on outside of the set of "Desire." I couldn't.

If it's 11:05, it must be time for a "story" about how to find pants that fit! In other news not from ET or my13, the actress who plays Brooke is leaving "All My Children" after what seems like 77 years because she wouldn't take a contract as a recurring player. So that's just sad. But at this point maybe we don't actually want to see Brooke on dates or Brooke in fancy frocks. I don't know. She was such a good editor at Tempo!

And Bob Barker is retiring. So there goes Bob and Brooke and I guess there goes daytime with it. It was inevitible, I suppose, but who is gonna replace him? I'd say Mark Steines but he's bound for "60 Minutes," according to the creepy promo voiceover lady at ET.

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