Chefs, Sue Simmons, The Delano And Shirtless Barack

Andy Cohen muses over holiday events.

THE WAIT IS OVER! I am not only talking about a new studio album from Diana Ross, but for a new TOP CHEF. If you ever wondered how Marcel and Debi Mazar would get along, tonight you'll have the answer to that question.

We supersized tonight's episode, and through the wonders of advance warning and technology, my guide on my TV seems to know that it's on until around 11:15. My guide is so smart sometimes! (Football overruns continue to flummox the poor guide, though. As a remedy, I give it xanax occasionally). We announced Season 3 of Top Chef yesterday, and that means we're casting right now. If you know anyone who can cook their face off, tell them to run to BravoTV.com/casting and come to one of our open calls.

Tom Colicchio stopped by my office yesterday morning after wrapping his Today Show appearance. I offered him whiskey and he declined, but we did discuss our goal of finding an absolute knockout group of chefs for season three. If YOU have what it takes, this is your moment!!

MIAMI: I still have a hangover from Bruce and my adventure in Miami. We arrived on Christmas, split New Years Eve, and in between is a bit of a blur. We spent several days with friends poolside at the Delano, which has evolved from 10 years ago, when it was Madonna and a bunch of gays, into a Heterosexual Sideshow of Silicone and Liars. Strike up a conversation with the most butt-ugly person in the pool and they'll tell you they MODEL for a living. I think you have to be a certified liar to be allowed to swim in the pool of the Delano. Lindsay Lohan (unfortunately Dina-less) was there begging for privacy. So was Queen Latifah and Craig David and Reichen and Lance. There were insane straight men with lip augmentation and botox and weirdly cut swimsuits.

One great thing about Miami is the same-day availability of the New York Post. I was dumbstruck reading Cindy Adams' column on the 26th. It was an account of a trip she took on Judge Judy's yacht with (drumroll please) ... the Honorable Judge J, Barbara Walters and New York City NewsLady Legend Sue Simmons. OK Wait --- stop right there. Judge Judy and Sue Simmons on a yacht with BW and kooky Cindy Adams? Whaaaaayt? How is it possible that the stalkarazzi missed this trip entirely? I saw about 20 of them following Lance and Reichen on the beach and almost begged them to hop a plane and search out this boat. Am I the only one who'd rather see those gals rather than the morons? What other moments and stories and uncomfortable vacation parties are passing us by in favor of more pix of Chestica Suckson? Will I now never see Miss Simmons in a one-piece? Perez, please help us. You have the power to steer the ship another direction.

HERO: Speaking of Sue, I thought she was going to eject from her seat at the top of the 11 o'clock news last night due to excitement about yesterday's subway Hero, Wesley Autrey. It was hard not to be excited about this construction worker who threw himself on the tracks in front of a train to save a man who fell there having a seizure. This guy is a H-E-R-O. I predict Rosie's gonna give him something on The View. Like a house or something. I am all for it.


MORE NIBLETS: What up with Virginia Heffernan's 2,000 word essay in today's New York Times about "The King of Queens"? She is begging us to believe that this show is funny. OK, Ginny, it's funny. I am going to pretend to believe you and let the moment pass. And I am now begging you for coverage of Judge Judy's boat trip. So there.... I watched Dirt last night. It was bad and good and watchable and bad. I am transfixed by Courtney Cox, who has either done everything you can do to your face or nothing at all. I can't decide....

Is it possible one year later that I have Brokeback fever again?!! HBO ran it on Monday night at 10 and I went for it deep. Jack, I swear. I love it.... Why did I cry through the entire Smokey Robinson tribute on my TiVo'd Kennedy Center Honors? WTF is HAPPENING to me? Is it 2 thousand 24/7 or is it ME?.... Did anyone see the pic of shirtless Barack Obama this morning? It not only blows the Matt Lauer summer/abs pic out of the water, it guarantees Obama a whole new group of constituents. A couple more pics of him in his trunks thrown up against those old Hillary in-the-one-piece shots and he's got the nomination! How's that for stoopid political commentary?

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