Kids Want a Dog, Dad Wants Them to Sign an Insane 13-Point "Family Dog Contract"

Kids Want a Dog, Dad Wants Them to Sign an Insane 13-Point "Family Dog Contract"

“We can get a dog if everyone agrees to all of the following terms.”


By Kristyn Pomranz

Here is an average conversation in most American families:

Kids: Mom, can we get a dog?

Mom: Ask your father.

Kids: Dad, can we get a dog?

Dad: Ask your mother.

Repeat ad nauseum until the kids forget what they were asking about.

But one father had a very different reaction. He conceded that his four children—Amy, Jessica, Casey, and Samantha—could get a dog, so long as they all signed a binding, 13-point Family Dog Contract.

Among the finer points, the dog is not allowed to shed, slobber, have a runny nose, or scratch anything, ever, even if it requires surgical removal of his feet. The dog shall not be included in the family Christmas card, and it will never receive organic, gourmet, or special dog food, because “plain old dog food is fine.” Also: The dad has veto power over the dog’s name.

While the contract is very rigid, it does seem like the dad was willing to compromise in one place: He amended the dog’s maximum full-size weight from 10 pounds to 15 pounds, so now the children won’t be limited to a Chihuahua.

The only part we agree with? “13. The kids promise to never fall out of love with the dog or get bored of it.” We’re sure they won’t!

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