A man who calls himself AlphaSunday has turned to Reddit to ask advice about divorcing his wife—today—and she hasn’t a clue.
“I’m [M24] going to ask my Wife [F24] of 3 years for a divorce tomorrow. Can I get any advice for the talk and days following? Things between us haven't worked for a while. I've grown into a different person and she's remained stagnant and we're both very aware of it. I like to believe we can settle things amicably but I could use any tips on how to hurt her the least. Should we talk over breakfast or walking the dogs or actually go somewhere? Do I focus on my part in everything rather than hers? How do I do this like a grown up?”
Um, maybe not by going online to ask advice from strangers.
“Consult a divorce attorney first if you two have a lot of shared assets,” said one commenter.
“You speak with a lawyer first, before your wife. You've never done this before and divorces are tricky. Having a solid plan means you won't get screwed over in the process,” wrote another.
Another had some pretty specific advice:
“About the actual conversation, I'd ask her for a walk and start talking about your relationship and ask how she thinks you guys are doing. This should be an actual conversation and not just you telling her you want a divorce. Tell her the overall feelings that doesn't seem accusatory, like feeling empathy and lonely without being alone (if that is the case) or feeling like you live in different worlds some times. Don’t overdo it with words like 'very' as it will come of much more hurtful than intended. If you could arrive at the divorce decision together, you'll both be a lot happier in the future! As you said, you both know the status of your relationship, so its likely she feels the same way. If you seem just a little firm in the convo and stay clear of agreeing to 'we can work on this', she'll most likely help the divorce conversation along. Still, I'd keep the mantra of we should work this out together and decide our next steps together, so she'll feel some stock in the decision of divorce. Best of luck, you seem like a good guy.”
“It sounds like you have decided you want this but she would probably prefer to stay married - is this right? If so absolutely do not offer or suggest to stay friends. It's cruel to her,” said one.
One guy was cold as ice, saying, “If you are really committed to divorcing her, then you have to harden your heart and not care too much about the fallout. She is no longer yours to worry about. Sounds cruel maybe, but if you are thinking you need to guide her through this process, then you are going to make it worse for both of you. It's false hope. It's dragging it out longer than it needs to be. move out. Wait five months, file the paperwork. and then never speak to her again.”
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