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The Daily Dish Shahs of Sunset

"Baby Envy" Is Real and It Sucks For Wannabe Moms

“Baby envy is a natural response to your grief and frustration."

By Marianne Garvey

Shahs of Sunset couple Mercedes "MJ" Javid and Tommy Feight went through in vitro fertilization (IVF) this summer, with the hopes MJ would get pregnant at 45 years old.

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“I’ve been going through IVF, and I’m ready to transfer an embryo,” she told Jeff Lewis on the Flipping Out  designer's podcast, Jeff Lewis Live. “I’m hoping and praying. You don’t want to jinx it," she said. "In a month and a half, hopefully, I’ll be pregnant.” 

A side effect of infertility and the struggles of trying to get pregnant — besides your own sadness over what you’re going through — is envy when a friend, or even a stranger is pregnant and happy.

It’s called “baby envy” and it’s real.



It happened to MJ when Asa Soltan Rahmati announced that she was pregnant last year with her son Soltan Jackson. After the big reveal, MJ admitted she felt upset. "Oh my God. I never in a million years thought that Asa was gonna get pregnant first," she said.

According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, about 12 percent of American women of childbearing age have difficulty getting or staying pregnant. 

According to one report, “baby envy is a natural response to your grief and frustration. But it may actually make the situation worse.”

“First, you feel miserable. You’re simultaneously sad and outraged,” says the report. “You feel ill will toward other women who are pregnant as well as their babies. It’s not an emotional state that you’re proud of. Plus, it causes stress for your partner, who hopefully wants a baby as badly as you do. It also alienates you from friends and family members who could serve as a support team during your quest to have a child.”

Here’s what you can do:

Know that what you are experiencing is real and it’s OK. You’ll get sad and moody an may even lash out, say experts.

Try to understand that no matter the outcome, everything will work out one way or another. It’s impossible to see when you’re inside the experience, but there are plenty of ways to have a baby.

Talk to other women going through infertility for support.

Block or unfollow posts on Facebook that are all about babies. No one struggling with infertility needs the endless stream of baby pictures.

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