What do Rashad McCants (Minnesota Timberwolves), Lamar Odom (Los Angeles Lakers), James Harden (Houston Rockets), and Tristan Thompson (Cleveland Cavaliers) all have in common? If you guessed: basketball players who have dated Khloe Kardashian and allegedly cheated, you are correct!
Not one to shy away from the hard questions, Jimmy Kimmel recently asked Kardashian if it was time to stop dating basketball players, to which she responded, “I don't know, you know. I like what I like, what can I say?”
In her defense, Kardashian isn't the only person who has a "type" and repeatedly gets hurt by them... but is admitting that you do enough to help change that pattern of behavior?
Love expert and CEO of Master Matchmakers Steve Ward explains that self awareness is a good first step. He told Personal Space, “It's better to have a type and be aware of it, than be in denial." However, he added, “If your type is incompatible [with your life, and you want to break the vicious cycle you're in] you either have to change your type or change your reality.” Otherwise that’s like “repeating the same experiment over again and expecting different results.”
Kardashian joked that her grandmother told her to go for an accountant next … but is that the move? According to Ward, not necessarily. It’s not the profession that’s the problem, it’s the individual. After all, accountants could be cheaters, too.
The key is to pick somebody who has different personality characteristics than your exes, not necessarily a different job (although obviously dating someone who travels a lot for work, when you do too, can make a relationship complicated).
In order to dig a little deeper into what those other qualities should be, Ward suggested thinking about some relationships you admire the most. Ask yourself if the qualities you see in those partners are similar to the person you want to pursue. If you don’t see at least half of the qualities in them that you see in those ideal relationships, it may be better to save yourself the time, risk, energy, and disappointment of pursuing it.
So, how do you know if the next person you date is waving the same red flags as the previous partner?
According to Ward, you should rely on the consensus of your close friends and family. “Just make sure they know the good and the bad, so they can be objective. Glorifying your relationship backfires the moment you have any conflict.”
If your friends and family think you may be the reason the relationships aren't working out, it may be time to enlist a professional. Seeking help from a matchmaker like Ward, who offers relationship coaching, can help steer you on the right path. Sometimes it’s not enough to pick the right person, but also learning to ask the right questions as well.
At the end of the day, as a fully functional adult with free will and self control, “it is incumbent on you to do whatever you have to do to improve yourself.” It’s OK to make mistakes, but “it's those who learn from their mistakes who are wiser for them.”
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