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Cameran Eubanks Reminds Us "You Really Can't" Have It All When You're a Mom
The Southern Charm working mom says, "You are always gonna have to sacrifice something.”
Cameran Eubanks says balancing work and motherhood really means you’re always going to have to sacrifice something.
The Southern Charm mom to 18-month-old Palmer Corrine, told PEOPLE that although she could afford a full-time nanny, she doesn’t want one. She also doesn’t like staying at home with her daughter full-time, so there you have it. Her dilemma, she says, leads her to believe moms “really can’t” have it all unless they’re “extremely privileged.”
“I have gone back to work. I’m working probably 30 percent of what I was … as a mother, you have to shatter the myth that you can have it all. You really can’t,” Cameran said. “Unless you are extremely privileged and have the means to — which, I mean, could I afford a live-in nanny? I could. I don’t want to. But you are always gonna have to sacrifice something. For me, it’s having to learn to sacrifice a lot of my independence and what I want to do. Ideally, I’d like to work and make money all day and then be with my child, but you can’t. You literally can’t have both.”
Prior to that interview, she had told The Daily Dish one kid is enough for her.
"Oh my gosh, this has been the shortest and the longest year of my entire life," she said after welcoming Palmer in November 2017. "Everybody says the old saying is, 'The days are long, but the years are short.' And that is so true. And I also say Palmer is the greatest teacher I've ever had. Having a child forces you to see humanity and it forces you to grow and I'm so glad that I did it — but I'm not doing it again."
On motherhood, she added, ”You cannot put a price tag on that. [It's] the best feeling in the entire world: just to be loved by your own little child. It's really sweet and sappy."
Cameran, who is still working as a real estate agent, also said her doctor husband, Jason Wimberly, did not have to struggle to find the same work/life balance after baby.
"We're socially conditioned in this country that when a woman pops out a kid, she has to make the choice whether she's going to stay home or go back to work. And the father, typically, not all the time, is the breadwinner in the house,” she said. “It's very hard 'cause I went from working and being able to work as much as I wanted to to now, well, I've got to stay home and take care of this baby."
"And it's hard," she continued. "Women, we really are kind of screwed in a way in that we really can't have it all. There's no way to really have it all and it's all about finding that balance that works for you."
Parents magazine had conducted a survey of 2,000 working moms in the U.S., where working mothers have some of the most inadequate support systems in the world, asking if a work-life balance was really possible. "Sixty-three percent still believe balance is achievable," says the report.
OK, but how? Because according to the report, "Only a handful of states have paid family and medical leave, including California, New Jersey, Rhode Island, and, most recently, New York, and research shows we’re one of only two countries in the world without paid maternity leave."
Economic Policy Institute published a study called High Quality Child Care Is Out of Reach for Working Families and found childcare costs can add up to more than a fifth of the median household income. Also, even moms who have a partner at home end up dealing with the child-care duties and the household chores.
So, Cameran does have a point, even if she can afford full-time help.
Parents added "passing federal paid family leave," and closing the gender wage gap will be a good start for women who "want to have it all," meaning work and be a mom.
Credit: Cameran Eubanks/Instagram