Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

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Read Patti's full transcript after the jump!

Okay, this was a week! Both of our clients are from Viva La Vegas! My first client is Gerry McCambridge. He’s the mentalist. He’s a headliner at Vegas, he’s been married twice -- six freakin’ kids, but the relationships don’t work out. Now he’s doing well, but he can’t seem to find the right girl. It’s easy to figure out why this guy has no time. I’ve always said if you want love, you’ve got to make time for it. We sit down and we talk about it. Gerry seems to understand and he agrees with what I’m saying. Yes, he can still do a show six nights a week, but he has to find time to spend with a new relationship. I agree to take him on if he agrees to fly is date out to Vegas to show her the town. Done deal.

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My other client is a mess. He calls himself “Vegas” Dave. He looks like a little furry toad, short and fat and he claims he rotates women in and out of bed – like he could ever get a girl! Okay, this guy doesn’t look like he could rotate anything let alone his tires. And the idea that women are into him is ridiculous! But he says he wants to settle down, stop dating the cocktail waitresses.

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Now there are two situations that could have been true here. One is that Dave is a nice guy underneath, and he just suffers from a little dating ADD. He can’t concentrate on a girl long enough to find love. He says he hasn’t had a relationship for more than two weeks. That’s not even a relationship. So maybe that’s the case. The other situation is that he’s full of f---ing sh-- and doesn’t want to settle down and is too insecure and too much of a loser to even get a date with one of the girls I set him up with! We’ll see which guy shows up at the mixer. But I think he’s got no game, seriously.

So it’s time for the mixer and I like to mix it up. So since they guys are both from Vegas, I make all the girls wear the standard Coco Chanel little black dress with some gorgeous jewelry from my Je T’aime jewelry collection. And everybody looks fabulous. That’s right, pay attention. I have a jewelry line. Wearing the little black dress means the guys will have to get to know the girls a little bit. They have to get under the hood of the car and check out, yes, the personality. They can’t just stay on the surface, which most guys do.

Well, Gerry the mentalist does great. He’s polite, charming, asking questions, trying to find the girls that are right for him. He’s listening, being himself, not trying to take over the conversation. He chooses two girls, Jodie and Carrie. And both are really good and appropriate girls. He ends up picking Carrie the cop. They seem to get along great. We’ll see how good they do on their date. I actually like Jodie for him a little bit better, but that’s another story for another day.

Meanwhile, “Vega Dave” with all his cockiness and his rotating women can’t even get a sentence put together. He’s in real trouble. I could let him drown, but I try to help him out and give him some advice.  It’s my job, after all, to do this. But the guy is useless. Then he has the balls to tell me he’s leaving.  No time ever in Millionaire Matchmaker history has anyone ever left the Club let alone the mixer on their own because none of the girls are good enough for toady boy. Are you f---ing kidding me?

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Okay, I lost my shit that’s right. I went Millionaire Matchmaker on him. You have got to be kidding, this guy couldn’t get a date with a quality woman in a million years. And he comes to me expecting me to give it to him and then he says no. You have to just laugh sometimes. I watched "Vegas" Dave leave, and literally the girls at the mixer told me that they would never ever go on a date with him and they ‘re glad that he’s gone.
Gerry keeps his word, and flies Carrie out to Vegas and they have a wonderful time. He takes her to the spa, then to a nice dinner, just like a gentleman should. Turns out they aren’t quite a match, no sparks. But the truth is Gerry now knows that it’s possible to carve out time in his schedule to make it happen. And I see him remarrying within a year.

With all the talk about Vegas, David, my boyfriend, and I took a chance for a weekend away and we each planned an activity for each other. We played some craps, I chose for us to make a special martini and David wanted a steak dinner at Yellowtail at the Bellagio. It was really romantic. It was incredible, with the fountains going. It was just great. It really took my mind off ---hole millionaires like “Vegas” Dave.  Almost.

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