Thank you all so much for tuning into this week’s episode. This episode is one that I have been excited about and dreading for quite some time. First, I am so excited to show you my life, my family, the sweet town and people who have shaped my life and made me the person I am today. Family is important to me. I was raised in a sweet, small town. My parents were not rich, but I was always abundantly blessed with the love and time that my family gave me. I grew up knowing the value of family, time and love. Climbing social status circles and material things were not stressed. My past and upbringing are something I embrace. I am so proud to be a small town girl with a loving family and to have experienced the simple things in life. I know what is real and important. I love that my boys get to come home to Coweta and see such a sweet side of life. I never want my children to lose touch with these values and only see life through the eyes privileged, big city competition. The towns people of Coweta and my family give my boys a strong sense of family and the joys of growing up in the country, catching tadpoles with grandpa, going to garage sales with my mom, attending my sweet childhood church and just sitting on the front porch with my friends talking and laughing.
Growing up, I always felt the need to be perfect. I was raised in a strict church environment and my parents always pushed for me to be a good girl and to set a positive example to my sister. I am a people pleaser by nature and I tried to be good all the time. I never got in fights with people, was quick to apologize, and rarely rocked the boat. When I was young, we listened to Christian music or music without any suggestive lyrics or cursing. Besides the typical ballet and tap classes most young girls have, I never felt free enough to express myself with dance. It’s hard to boogie to the Christian music of the '90s. I walked such a fine line of people pleasing and working to never disappoint the family that I never made myself happy. I still struggle with people pleasing and trying to give everyone the benefit of the doubt over and over that I am sure it is quite apparent in the episodes. I have never had to defend myself or be around people who are not safe. This experience was a first for me. I had to figure out what was drama and what was actually conflict. I didn’t experience that in Coweta. If you are a mean girl and there are less than 100 girls in your graduating class, then you will quickly find yourself alone.
At Marie’s cocktail party, I had to face something I had hoped to escape. I had to face LeeAnne’s aggressive behavior. I have never been met anyone like LeeAnne in my life. When it comes to anger and aggression, she seems to go from zero to 100 in the blink of an eye! I’m usually shocked and feel scared when it happens. It makes me very uncomfortable. I surround myself with people who I believe I can trust and feel safe with. LeeAnne is not that person. I have a very hard time connecting with her. We are very different people. When Taylor started talking about the similar experiences he had with LeeAnne, I felt a little better because I am not the only one that has experienced her that way. When he said that she pooped her pants, it honestly made her more human to me. It gave me a glimpse of someone who was maybe not so serious all of the time. I thought it was funny because in my opinion, everyone has a poop story if they will be honest.
I was shocked when LeeAnne invited me into her and Brandi’s fight out of nowhere. I was trying to process what was going on and felt like she was trying to drag me into something that I didn’t want to be included in. I think LeeAnne got nervous about things she had said when she first met Brandi and didn't want Brandi calling her out. LeeAnne appears to want to control others. She wants everyone on her side and for her to be the "go to" person of the charity world. I think it bothers her that I am loyal to Brandi. Her threatening to ruin me in the charity world didn’t surprise me, but made me sad for her. Why would she want to start a war in a world that she supposedly loves? Why pull wonderful people I respect into this childish drama? It’s sad. At that moment, I felt emotionally exhausted. Why should I have to defend myself with a vindictive person trying to control my life? It made me nervous and scared because I realized that having someone so unhealthy and toxic in my life was taking too much of my energy and emotionally draining me and yet we were going to be in many settings together for a very long time. I wish I would have said something to her when she called Brandi a piece of trash, but I was so shocked and overwhelmed that I couldn’t control my emotions. That is an untrue and unfair description of my dear friend, Brandi. Oh, how I wish I would have defended her in that moment.