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All Dogs Go To Heaven. . .Not Charity Spin Classes

Episode 12:'s Editor weighs the validity of a dermatologist appointment as an excuse.

By Kim Moreau

Hello New York fans. When last we saw you, we were following Ramona down a dark hallway, pondering the validity of Jacques' accent. But did you know that fou is French for crazy? Do you think Mario would have been less upset if Heather had lobbed that comment out in another language? Let's dissect.

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Rumble in the Bronx
What is the etiquette on telling someone that their spouse is crazy? Is it best to mention it one-on-one? Behind closed doors? In front of all your friends? Or maybe never?

Heather vs Ramona

It seems like never would have been best for Heather, as Mario didn't take to Heather's dig against Ramona too kindly. Nor did Aviva, who called Heather "indefensible." My favorite part about this entire debacle was that Ramona and Sonja were off going to the bar and actually enjoying themselves while the rest of the crew dealt with the aftermath of the Ramonacoaster. You have to appreciate Ramona's rebound rate. The woman doesn't not waste time staying in the muck.

(Staten) Island Style
"When do we start the champagne part and the pain killers?"

Shouldn't every appointment begin that way? Doctor's appointments. Waxings. Lawyer visits. Here I was thinking that I was a pretty excellent packer and traveler, but I'm not scheduling pre-St. Barth's touch ups with Dr. Sharon Giese. What horrific mistakes I've made! Particularly because not only do you then arrive at your destination looking rested and refreshed, you also enjoy yourself at the appointment in a certain sexual manner you would not expect.

Ramona's Ass Gets Worked

Also a favorite of mine was when Ramona greeted Dr. Giese and said "Give me a hug." There was just something so delightfully Ramona about the way this happened I couldn't take it. "Give me a hug." I rewound it thrice.

Also, don't you get blood in your urine, as opposed to urine in your blood? It's times like these I'm reminded that I have no idea what Ramona gets into. Brooklyn Bikes Hard
Oh LuAnn, it doesn't matter that you forgot that the SoulCylce class with Aviva was for a charity. No matter. You were there, which is a lot more than a few of your fellow 'Wives can say. . .

Yes, Sonja and Ramona were truant for the cycling class, missing such delights as seeing Carole exercise (a rare feat apparently) and getting the opportunity to sweat on a stationary bike to "Money Can’t Buy You Class." And both of those things for a great cause! To help the children! Aviva wonders if their truancy could have been helped by say providing alcohol or having a shindig that didn't involve exercise. I do have some questions about an alochol-based spinning class, or just one question truly: where can I sign up?

I did get misty when Aviva presented young Jake with his new running legs. He was so tough! He popped up on those legs so quickly, I was so proud. Way to go Jake! I hope you're running like mad somewhere right now.

The Queen of Directions
Here's a concept. What if this vignette of Ramona in a cab, admonishing the driver for his lack of knowledge about even versus odd address numbers and lack of proper note-taking abilities was its own show. We just forced this cab driver to take Ramona everywhere, even more distant out of New York places and we watched as they learned from each other. As they took in the sights of the world and discussed better ways to do their job as Coco jumped about and the skyline just rolled on by. Just an idea

Taxi Cab Examination

Manhattan Major Moment
After we find out LuAnn and Ramona's preferred venues for masturbation (LuAnn prefers alone, Ramona likes the thrill of an audience once in a while), it's time for a little luncheon at Chez Singers. Carole arrives first, and tells Sonja and Ramona that they might be in a bit of trouble for skipping the spinning fundraiser. Ramona explains that her face was in a severe state post Dr. Giese, while Sonja says that she had to stay by Milou's bedside. There's a lot going on with Sonja's pooch. He's too proud to live this life in diapers, plus that puts a real damper on her sleeping arrangements. Thankfully she and Ramona could hold hands as they talked out this tenuous situation.

But while these stories seemed to slightly appease Carole (well she recommended not mentioning the dog thing), Aviva was not having these alibis. Ramona's check (which was a little rumpled, where were you storing that before you gave it to her Ramona?) wasn't as important as their actual appearance at the event. But Milou is so proud. And no one is taking Milou to the vet but Sonja. No one!

We'll let Sonja sum this up, "She's not a dog person."

Won't Someone Think of the Children?

But now that everything is water under the stationary bike, let's move forward -- St. Barths, where surely Aviva, Ramona, and Sonja will get along swimmingly!

Er, perhaps not. Until we make it to Scary Island 2.0, tell me how you prefer to "shop for bikinis". . . online? Alone? As a performance piece? Leave your preferred method in the comments.

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