Tom on Pole Dancing and Disappointment

Katie: It's Insulting and Frustrating

Tom: Stassi Is Like a Fallen Dictator

Our Producer Shares Secrets From Peter's Date

Stassi: It's Hard to Watch

Lisa: Stassi Likes to Control Everything

Our Producer Got Hit With a Sandwich in Miami

Kristen: I Wanted Validation From Tom

The #PumpRules Miami Trip in 7 GIFs

Scheana: I Shouldn't Have Let Kristen Come

Lisa: Kristen Missed the Point Entirely

Jax: John Takes Care of Everybody

Tom on Jax: There is Barely Any Trust There

Behind-the-Scenes Secrets From Miami

Ariana Takes the Positivity Express

Lisa Doesn't Get Those Penis Straws

Scheana Is Happy Katie's Free

Tom's Main Miami Objective

Katie Wasn't Letting Jax and Kristen Ruin Miami

Our Producer Shares Secrets From That Trip

Tom Has Partied Enough for Two Lifetimes

Ariana: Facts Are Facts

Scheana Has Nothing Left to Say to Stassi

Lisa: You Would Think Jax Wouldn't Lie

Katie: Stassi's Island Really Is Shrinking

Katie: Tom Wasn't Following Through

A SURver's Guide to Male Grooming

Jax: I'm Getting a Taste of My Own Medicine

Our Producer Shares Scheana's Wedding Invite

4 Tom Sandoval GIFs for When You've Had Enough

Scheana: I Don't Need Kristen

Lisa: What Really Pissed Me Off

Ariana: Kristen is a Giant "Preying" Mantis

Katie: Stassi Overstepped Boundaries

Scheana: It's Sad How Few Friends Stassi Has

Our Producer Shares the Dirt on New Girl Vail

Tom: Kristen Manipulates Things

Tom Schwartz to Himself: Wake Up ---hole

Lisa Doesn't Want Scheana's Advice

Kristen: This Episode Was Tough to Watch

Scheana: I Don't Spread Rumors

Tom on Pole Dancing and Disappointment

Tom reflects on being free on the dance floor and is appalled by Kristen’s harsh treatment of Scheana in Cabo.

I was really stoked to go to Cabo! I was a little worried about going to Cabo with this group of people, though. I was maybe a little concerned about this whole Ariana stuff clouding an otherwise great time, but figured that we would be too distracted with paddle-boarding, dancing, and tequila to sweat some annoying Jax rumors.

The one thing I was not looking forward to was hearing Stassi cram 'It's MY birthday' down everyone's throat for four days straight. Stassi didn't pay for our tickets to Cabo, or our rooms, or any dinners for that matter. So really, in my opinion, it's a trip that we all decided to take that Stassi's b-day just happens to take place during. I thought it was pretty weird to have all the girls staying together, I bet that would've been different if Stassi had a man at the time.

I think the girls took what Scheana said in the car way over the top. I'm sure it didn't help having Jax tell that to them in his 13-year-old gossip girl way, but she was obviously joking. Wish those girls would just grow up sometimes. . .at least she didn't misuse the word "literally" when she said it.

Well, at least I didn't get really drunk and pole dance in Cabo. . .what can I say. . .I was drunk? When in Rome? I'll try anything twice? I love to dance especially when I'm in a different country and don't have to worry about anyone judging. Once upon a time, I was the token white boy on a dance crew and used to compete in dance contests many moons ago, so I love to explore the fraction of skills I used to have back in the day. What else was I supposed to do while all the girls were sitting around bickering. . .That pole wasn't going to dance on itself, right?

I'm not exactly surprised that Kristen made such a stink about Scheana hanging out with us, but that doesn't mean I didn't find it ridiculous and appalling. I was actually really embarrassed at how Kristen acted towards Scheana. We are in another country, not just down the street. I could understand if Scheana was maybe being obnoxious or annoying, but her and Shay were just being they're normal chill selves. Kristen was just being a brat. Not a good look, and definitely not an acceptable way to act past sophomore year in high school.

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Our Producer Shares Secrets From Peter's Date

Plus, what you didn't see from Jax and Carmen's date.

So sad Miami is over! But don’t worry, the drama at SUR continues. Will Kristen finally cool down about Tom and Ariana? Is Vail really done with Jax? Or has she moved on to Peter? (Um, yup she has.) There were a few minor casualties from Miami, but Stassi not talking to Katie has to be the winner. It’s true that when Stassi feels she’s been wronged, it’s over. Kristina Kelly had to deliver the news. Katie was really bummed, and she tried so many times to get in touch with Stassi. (Way more times than you can imagine.)

Vanderpump Rules exclusive: See Jax telling us who his favorite Housewife/ex-Housewife is.

Jax dines with Carmen, but she is no fool. As much game as he threw at her, she didn’t budge. What you didn’t see is that Jax even told her he was starting a new rescue puppy business that Carmen could help him run (not true, by the way). Jax and puppies? What girl could resist that? Check out a behind-the-scenes pic of that magical lunch.

Kristen, Kristen, Kristen. Even during a crazy workout, she finds a way to bring the dramz. Behind-the-scenes story: it was 100 degrees that day. We were all sweating through our clothes, but hey, anything to make TV magic. Check out the girls taking a break from hiking and our manly-man camera guys trekking up and down those stairs.

A just-between-us Kristen EXTRA: 

Seriously, if I had a nickel for every time our cast ran into problems with the DMV, I would own SUR. And I would plate it in gold and float it on a stream of molten silver.

Vail and Peter sitting in a tree! There is nothing like wooing a woman with a daytime wine date. See Peter’s tips on dating.

SUR manager Peter spends a lot of time around wine, so he has become an expert on the subject. Check out Peter educating us on the secrets of wine tasting during a filming break.

Man, the end of this episode gets you, huh? Kristen’s plan is in motion, and it is the end of an era for a once-strong friendship. I have no words, so check out a couple GIFs that reveal my emotions.

Well let’s end this week on a happy note with guys that love dogs. See Sandoval and Schwartz having moments with the forgotten stars of Vanderpump Rules, Zoe the dog and Charlotte the dog. Zoe is Stassi’s pup, and Charlotte is Ariana’s dog if you didn’t already know.

So next week is pretty crazy. Like, as crazy as it comes. You should probably set your DVRs now if you haven’t already. I mean, really, you should just set it up to record the whole season, don’t you think?
@efoye #foyecrew