This week on Southern Charm, Shep Rose spilled to Cameran Eubanks that Madison LeCroy and Austen Kroll experimented with “butt stuff” on Valentine’s Day (clip above), after Austen spelled out the deed with rose petals on the bed. Ahem, who said romance was dead?! Annnnyway, could this breech of privacy be retaliation for what Madison said about him? Shep and Cam also speculated that Austen and Madison's sexual "deviances" may be part of what keeps them together, trumping their relationship drama. Either way, should two consenting adults experimenting with backdoor play really be a cause for that level of gossip?
Personal Space spoke to gynecologist Alyssa Dweck (MS, MD, FACOG) and author of The Complete A to Z For Your V, to learn important information about trying “butt stuff” for the first time. Knowledge is power and, if anal sex is not something you are familiar with, here are some things to consider before penetrating a more "taboo" orifice.
While lots of men and women groom themselves before being intimate with a partner, there may be an extra level of preparation that you may want to consider before adventuring to backdoor-specific activities. Although it is possible to engage in spur of the moment anal sex, Dr. Dweck explains that you may want to “evacuate prior to engaging” as a precaution so that you are not uncomfortable. Also, if you are nervous about anything coming out, you can “prepare with enemas or suppositories.” While that isn't necessarily a requirement, it may ease your mind if you are worried about it being messy during or after. Another thing to have on hand? “Lube, lube… and more lube.”
If you and your partner are interested in trying “butt stuff” and you have prepared for it, a good next step in exploring that area is using a finger to see how that feels, or penetrative toys. Dr. Dweck advises to ensure that you are in “a really trusting relationship” before trying these activities because “relaxation is key” in order for it to go smoothly. Tensing up those muscles will make it much less enjoyable, so feeling relaxed and comfortable is important.
Some also experiment with small toys prior to insertion, but Dr. Dweck warns to make sure it’s “a wide toy base, or strong retrieval string/handle/mechanism, since items getting stuck is possible.” And if that happens — let’s just say, it’s “not fun.”
Even if you don’t typically wear condoms when having sexual intercourse with your partner, you should probably wear one if you are venturing into “butt stuff” territory. Dr. Dweck shares that “condoms are almost a must during anal, especially at first.” The reason for that is because “the anal opening has much more tone (is much tighter) than the vagina, since its purpose is in part to ‘hold things in’ until one is ready to evacuate voluntarily.” Therefore, using a “condom with plenty of lubricant makes insertion and thrusting much easier and less uncomfortable.” Additionally, the lubricant helps create “less friction,” which means lower chance of “tiny micro abrasions that can occur in this delicate area that is rich in blood supply” (which is useful for preventing STIs).
Lastly, condoms are preferable for general hygiene and should be “changed in between different sex acts.” Switching from anal to vaginal intercourse can cause a urinary tract infection, so removing the condom and using a new one is a good preventative measure.
Pain in the Butt (Literally)
Many people fear anal sex because it can hurt, and while “some people experience pain at first… it should not persist.” Dr. Dweck explains that “people should not experience bleeding unless they have hemorrhoids, or did not use enough lubricant.” According to Dr. Dweck, hemorrhoids are “super common and if they are active, painful, bleeding, or really sticking out”— that person will likely not want to engage. If you have “significant pelvic or abdominal pain” after engaging in anal sex, it might be “worth a visit to the gyno pronto.”
There are plenty of reasons why having anal sex may not be right for you — even if a partner is interested in it. Dr. Dweck explains that most of the parameters she sets forth applies to all — “men who have sex with men, women who have sex with men, and women who have sex with women and are using penetrative toys.” However, Dr. Dweck explains that it’s important to note there are many couples who aren't interested in anal play and therefore it “should not be considered mainstream necessarily.” At the end of the day, “if it's not your cup of tea, don't worry about it — you are in good company.”
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