What Exactly Are the Rules for Bachelorette Party Invites?

Eva Marcille found herself in a bit of an awkward situation on the latest episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. The newlywed threw a bachelorette party in Miami ... but only one of the RHOA ladies was invited. And then she put it on Instagram, which caught Cynthia Bailey's attention: "I was scrolling on Instagram, and I noticed Eva had a bachelorette party in Miami, and she didn't invite any of us." 

Eva tried to explain that the trip was a surprise, and some of the guests were a surprise too. However Porsha Williams explains that in fact, she was invited "a while ago."

"Wait, I'm confused," Kandi Burruss said. "How was it a surprise if you invited Porsha?"

Did she know people were coming, but not specifically who? Who threw the party? Nene summed it up with, "Well I'm not sure Eva knows what surprise is, because if you're having a damn surprise it's, ‘Surprise!' You don't know that s—t is happening." Confusion aside, since Nene was asked to speak at her wedding, does that mean she should have definitely received an invite? What exactly are the rules? 

Bachelorette parties have long been a source of anxiety for both the bride and the attendees — fights over who’s paying, who’s going, where it is, etc. Shouldn’t it just be fun? Unfortunately, it’s often high pressure.

Brides reports that typically, the bachelorette party “is reserved for your bridesmaids and maybe a few of your closest friends and female family members," just to clear that up. But, ”this can change depending on the type of celebration you want and the activities you end up choosing."

“Start with a conversation with whoever will be planning and hosting the event … Think about what kind of party you want, and discuss it with your bridesmaids so they are clear about what (and who!) you are comfortable with. Ultimately, the guest list is up to you,” they report. “The type of event you're comfortable with will also have a big impact on who you decide to invite. If you have a great relationship with your mom, aunt, or other family member, go ahead and include them. Just remember to make sure everyone on the guest list would be comfortable participating or observing — including you … An afternoon at your favorite winery or a day at the spa? Invite mom and your aunt to come along. A weekend in Vegas? You may want to leave those family members at home.”

Etiquette expert Diane Gottsman says you have to factor in several things when it comes to invites.

"Just like with any other kind of celebration, you have to make a decision based on several factors. It boils down to your budget, the relationship with the guest of honor and how they are going to get along with other guests," she says. "If you feel as if a guest is going to be offended or not enjoy themselves, you can cut them from the list. If they ask why they were not invited, you can tell them honestly you wanted to invite them to something you felt they would be more comfortable attending. Ask the bride for her input when it comes to who to invite."

Obviously, some bachelorette parties are more tame than others. "Keep in mind the personalities of your guests. You can send out an invitation, by mail, e-cards or Facebook. But know if you put it out on social media you may hurt feelings if someone reads it and is left off the list," Gottsman adds. "Also, you always run the risk of people posting photos online. It’s just the way it is. Most adults understand they cannot be included in every event, but when it comes to weddings, showers and bachelorette parties, you invite those closest to you. Some people will make the cut and others won’t."

There is one golden rule: Don't invite anyone who has not received an invitation to your actual wedding.