I loved watching the girls enjoy Paris. The architecture and scenery made a beautiful backdrop for the fabulous getaway. Although Paris sounded like fun, I thought it best to stay home. I wanted to spend some quiet time with Kennedy and think about where I was in my healing process and what steps I needed to take to move our lives in a positive direction.
As I watched the first evening in Paris, I was nervous for Kim. As she stood on the balcony talking with Lisa, I knew something wasn't right with her. It gave me a pit in my stomach seeing her not lucid.
As I worry for Kim, I also worry for Kyle. I could see the panic on her face as she realized Kim was "off." Kyle so desperately wants her sister to succeed in her sobriety and any red flag sends fear through her. As viewers and as friends, we have only seen slight glimpses of the destruction this disease has caused Kim and her entire family. We all love Kim and want her to be healthy and happy. Any sign that she may not be on the positive path she has been on since her treatment evokes concern from everyone in the group. Kim has said that everyday is a struggle and we are all so proud of her for each day she succeeds. However, there is a long history here and its only natural that Kyle would have fears or doubts that this time the outcome will be different. The questions from the group are frustrating to Kim as she has worked so hard on her recovery but, I know the girls are coming from a place of concern not judgement or criticism.
During the tough times, Lisa and Kyle have been there for me. Lisa can be brutally honest -- but if she cares for you, it comes from the heart and with the best of intentions. It wasn't right for Kim to question Lisa's concern for her when Kim was clearly disoriented. If Lisa didn't care for her, she wouldn't have spent the morning shopping and talking with her. As they were shopping and Kim was rambling, she was saying how much she liked Lisa and how she wanted to spend more time with her back in Beverly Hills. Kim was talking negatively about Kyle at the same time saying she wasn't "real" to her and that she had changed.
Later that evening when the age old question emerged "Where's Kim?" it became clear that Kim's recollection of the day's events were quite different than reality. She was angry with Lisa for pointing out the inconsistencies in the day's events. Lisa was merely identifying the gravity of Kim's confusion.
Watching Lisa, I could see how puzzled she was at Kim's lapse of memory concerning the timeline of events that day. I found it ironic that Kim started the day praising Lisa and criticizing Kyle and by the evening she wanted nothing to do with Lisa labeling her "fake and phony" while asking Kyle to sit, listen and support her as she cried in the van. I was bewildered by Kim as the girls made their way around Paris.
As for unresolved feelings, the Eiffel Tower set the stage for a heart-to-heart between Lisa and Kyle. The interaction between my dear friends was difficult to watch. I care for each of them deeply and it saddens me to see how their relationship has changed. Friendships grow and regress as they mature and my hope is that a growth spurt is on it's way. In a group of friends, dynamics change from time to time. New friendships emerge and others erode. With my friends, there's enough love to go around and I am confident that these two have enough love left to overcome the past.
My favorite part of this episode was watching Kyle and Mauricio put their "love lock" on Lover's Bridge. I have learned so much about real love and mutual respect watching the marriages of Kyle and Mauricio and Ken and Lisa over the years. Kennedy and I have spent a great deal of time with Kyle, Mauricio, and family and what they have is truly special. It made me smile to see them having a romantic moment in the City of Love.
Until next week.
Au revoir and Je t'embrasse.