It’s a new week and a new episode of RHOBH. After tonight, only one more is left...Thank God (insert drum roll here), but then the REUNION starts! Get ready, it’s a doozy. Set your DVRs and break out your Chardonnay, or maybe just keep a Xanax nearby.
This week was great. I had my boys, and despite a few timeouts, we had a super happy week. My new podcast with Leeza Gibbons premiered, and I think it’s a really good one. I just respect her so much. My pod is very busy. I share it with a lot of hosts but have tons of great new guests lined up. More great news on my Chardonnay launch--the launch party is in the planning stages. My friends Bert Marcus and Mike Tyson premiered their film Champs, which you can see on iTunes movies. Oh, and I think I may be in love… (More on that down the line.)
On a serious note, as a mother, I have my internet locked down tight--so tight I can barely use it. My children’s internet connectivity is and, I thought, always was secure, but I’ve sadly learned that creepers can find a way in through Skype games like Minecraft. I advise all parents to monitor exactly whom your children are playing video games with and remain vigilant. Even with parental controls on all of our computers, these predators always seem to find a loophole, so please check it out and lock it down.
Now back to this week’s RHOBH episode.
We’re still in Amsterdam, and it was still gorgeous. We spent all day shopping and having a great time, but you saw the awkward moment of my apologizing to Lisa V. for the umpteenth time, which was not fun for me and probably annoying for you. Apologies between Lisa V. and I seem to be forever ongoing and super one-sided.
Lisa V. finally admitted, on Twitter no less, that she did know Scheana, but as her daughter Pandora’s friend, for three years before I met Lisa. That’s her only daughter living at home and socializing with her good friend Scheana. Hanging out, swimming, eating, whatever, and talking about “boyfriends" (Scheana’s happened to be my then-husband). Finally, the truth! Then Lisa V. tweeted again, clarifying that she had been Scheana’s "friend" for five years. How many times have I heard personally and you've heard Lisa V. say “she’s just an employee” and “she’s not my friend” and "I dooon't knooow her." Thanks for finally admitting that a year later…on Twitter. I found it all out a year ago as I’ve said numerous times, and you wonder why our friendship went south so fast.
So, there we have it, finally, the revelation. Years too late. I can promise we’ll wait around forever for THOSE multiple admissions and apologies. Different people. Different rules. Is it just me, or does anyone else see the hypocrisy here? The best we can hope for is more spin, human chess moves (AKA Bobby Fisher), and word games. Honestly, I just don’t care anymore, but hey, I have to write about it for you guys, so…think of it like the old SNL coffee talk skit, “Discuss amongst yourselves.”
Next, my travel romance. I skipped the last dinner party. What a welcome reprieve. Hello, I was single after all. I had a great time. Lovely man. Lovely dates. Lovely city. Lovely nights…and what a great way to end a vacation abroad. Oh, and shame on Lisa V.'s comment trying to shame me for dating a younger man. She married a much older man herself and her best friend’s fiancé is 30 years younger than he is. Live and let live!
I’m glad the ladies and more so Yo had a good dinner party discussing Bananas Foster, or was it bananas in azzes? (JK, Yo). Donkeys, sex shows, kumquats shooting out of vjjs or something, somewhere, across rooms, and X-rated ping-pong balls! Whatever! Haha. It was kinda funny to watch. Anyway, I'm sorry to have missed Yolanda’s quintessential Dutch dinner at the truly perfect Hotel l’Europe, but I probably would have added my own little sex joke and ruined the proper “ladies” evening.
Yeah, I'm being a smartass. Lighten up!
So, we’re back in LA, and you see why I was stressed in Amsterdam. My father’s health wasn’t that great and went scarily downhill fast when I arrived back in the States.
I had spoken to Yolanda but was missing her face, so Yolanda offered to organize a spa day, and after I told her the news of my father (whom she is close with), we began discussing the trip, and the stress was too much for me, but it was SO nice to hear Yo say in retrospect, “The first night was crazy.” Thank you. At least some of us aren’t erasing what they experienced that first night and really did happen. But then, it was Yolanda who had to run down the dinner table and grab Rinna’s arm to restrain her. Oh well. Spilled milk, throat grabbing, broken glass...all water under the bridge of a Dutch canal. Haha.
Next, we see Lisa R. having dinner with Kyle in LA. Conversation topic? Rinna’s work, hobbies, family? Nope. I know, I know, we all found it hard to believe, but surprisingly enough, Lisa R.'s topic du jour was, and continues to be, Kim. Specifically, Lisa R’s fixation with the idea that Kim isn’t sober. Good thing she said she had “dropped it” and never talks behind Kim’s back.
Will this ever end? Not only on RHOBH but on Twitter and in the media. Lisa R. saw Kim on one pain pill months ago. DROP IT.
So, there they are pretending to eat, so they can gossip about Kim and I behind our backs. What would they even talk about without us? Kyle heard Lisa R. use the word intervention and visibly salivates and is just chomping at the bit about running to Kim with this hurtful gossip. Only stop, rewind. Bravo replayed our conversation, and it was Lisa R. who brought up the word "intervention," NOT ME. I quipped back, “Maybe you could do an intervention with (for) all of us.” Not quite the same thing.
Oh, and remember a few episodes ago, also behind Kim’s back, Lisa R. tried to convince a driving Lisa V. to join her in an intervention for Kim? What was Lisa V.’s response? “We can’t, because we don’t know. It’s not our business.”
So, cut to Kyle showing her newest real estate purchase in Palm Springs. Kyle has decided the best possible place to talk to her sister is in the enormous multi-million dollar house she just bought from selling her and Kim’s shares of their deceased mother’s house…This always confuses me. If Kim was not of the mind to enter into business at the time, it looks like Kyle took advantage of her. If she was, it looks like a fast one was pulled. Clearly Kim is still unhappy about whatever transpired, and Kyle is hiding something. Wasn’t this the family house that Kim worked and paid for as a child star? Anyway, ask Kim, not me, but don’t ask Kyle, unless you’re a gossip site or magazine. Kyle’s been giving tons of interviews about her sister lately, even though they haven’t talked in many months. But file that under keeping Kim’s private life private. Right, Kyle?
Backtracking to that dinner between Kyle and Lisa R., Kyle muses on the night of the glass throwing, “I feel bad that Kim was talking to Lisa R. like that” and “I feel bad that Kim was screaming at me.” Kyle also puts this on the record about me, “If she’s so concerned about Kim, but she won’t come to me?” File this under bad acting and lie No. 126 from Kyle Richards. Make a chart, you’ll need it later.
So Kim and Kyle alone in Palm Springs. Kyle really doesn’t get why Kim is upset with her? OK. Well, Kyle, it could be because you’re a lying, empathy-lacking, narcissist who only cares about the appearance of looking wealthy and having famous friends, while throwing your sister under a fleet of buses. It could be that. But, what do I know?
So, enough of all that. You got your money’s worth.
Travel, tears, romance, fashion, clogs, donkeys, bananas, and even a spa day. Now pay up!
PRETTY PLEASE. I WANT YOUR MONEY.
I signed up to walk for my favorite cause, the “Make-A-Wish” foundation of greater Los Angeles. The event is “Walking for Wishes,” and I am begging for sponsor donations. It’s such a great cause, and it’s been my favorite for over a decade. I was lucky enough to raise money for the foundation on Celebrity Apprentice, and now I’m trying again.
Please, please consider making a donation, small or large, to help a special child’s “Wish” come true. It’s just such an incredibly special cause so dear to my heart.
Just type in my name and donate ANY amount. I’ll do the walking. Join me if you would like.
Here’s the link: shar.es/1ftwjL