LeeAnne’s emotional answers were kind of all over the place, first she revealed that Rich’s loss of sight in his right eye was causing him to struggle emotionally, so he wasn’t in the right frame of mind to get married.
“At the moment, why I haven’t pushed to move forward with a wedding date is that it’s been very difficult with him being blinded,” she said. “Here’s the thing, he’s not in a happy place. It affects him and we are together. So I’m just being patient.”
She then switched gears, admitting that she was the one who didn’t want to get married. “It’s me,” she said. “That’s the reason we’re not married. It’s me. It’s not him.”
“I’ve been single for 50 years,” she added. “I’ve never been married before. Rich has been married three times. I have no doubt in my mind that this is my soulmate but I also don’t want to put him in a position where it’s going to make him want to divorce me and leave me. … He’s divorced three people so he’s obviously accepted that divorce is an option.”
According to relationship expert April Masini, this relationship is probably stuck. She tells Personal Space that people tend to make excuses when their relationship isn’t moving forward.
Brutal honesty — with yourself.
“If your relationship is stuck, and you don’t want it to be, chances are you’ve been rationalizing. Some excuses that help rationalizers are, ‘One or both of us are so stressed with work right now!’ or, ‘He’s just getting over his last divorce!’ or, ‘His mother is sick, and he needs to focus on her medical care.’ If any of those resonates, you know what I’m talking about. And if you have — or have been hearing — a litany of those type of excuses that are used to justify the relationship not moving forward, then you have to be brutally honest with yourself that these are excuses — and weak ones at that. Call your relationship out. Admit that these excuses are just that — excuses — and see your relationship as being stalled. This is a lot tougher to do than it sounds, but it’s a crucial step towards relationship health,” she says.
While LeeAnne sites her fiancee’s health issues as a reason for the stalled relationship, Masini says it would serve her to understand that life is full of health issues, and couples in committed relationships don’t let them stand in the way of their relationship.
“They coordinate. They compromise. They do more than one thing at a time. Long-term sight issues are not the same thing as a sudden car accident. It’s not that tough to get married — if that’s what you want. You can have a big wedding, a small wedding, a justice of the peace wedding or an elopement,” she says.
“Talk to your partner about stalls that are keeping your relationship from moving in the direction you want — whether it’s marriage, cohabitation, or monogamy. And rather than point fingers, or wag them — listen. If your partner really doesn’t want what you want, you’re incompatible. This is a tough pill to swallow for people who love their partners, but love is not enough if you want one thing and they want another. Ideally, you discovered this early in the dating process, but if not, better late than never. If you want marriage, kids and a home with a mortgage, and your partner doesn’t, get clear. Many times people are so enamored with a partner they don’t ask early on about what’s important to them. Kids, lifestyle, commitment, etc.”
Give yourself a timeline.
Hear that LeeAnne? “Not an ultimatum to someone else. A timeline for you,” Masini says. “If you are not willing to give up your relationship dreams, then give yourself a timeline to move on. Take responsibility for where you are now. Don’t blame. Don’t create drama. Just do what needs to be done to get what you want from life.”
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