Hey ya'll! Is everyone enjoying this roller coaster ride? I appreciate you all hanging in there with us on this journey. I have to be totally honest- this episode makes me sad. My emotions are all over the place. I can see how unsettled I am between wanting to continue getting to know the other girls and being completely exhausted from defending LeeAnne to them. I'm stumbling over words in this episode and that proves to me I was unsure of the decisions I was making. I hate that. At Paws Cause, I pulled LeeAnne aside because I like to talk to people face to face. I'm not much of a phone person because I like to see people's eyes, their energy, and body language. All that tells A LOT! I knew we had Marie's cocktail coming up and I wanted to know where LeeAnne's headspace was after having lunch with Cary and Stephanie. I didn't think I could stop the drama between LeeAnne and Brandi, but it's ridiculous that they're all talking EXCEPT for LeeAnne and Brandi and they are the ones that had the altercation. I handle things more direct. Passive aggressive behavior gets on my last nerve. Brandi wasn't picking up the phone and neither was LeeAnne. Hell, I probably should have just stayed out of it. Bad judgment call on my part, but I do prefer bringing people together.
When I meet people I want to invest time getting to know, I'll go above and beyond because at this stage in my life, it's rare. I was really enjoying getting to know Cary and admire her dedication to her yoga practice. I did yoga regularly in LA so I thought this would be the perfect thing for us to do together. Now, if I had known she was like Olympic level (if yoga was in the Olympics) I may have passed on hot yoga and just met her at the juice bar. I was sore for two weeks after that yoga session. Whew! But then the juice bar convo was consumed with talk of LeeAnne so I may have ended up wanting to skip that as well. I defend LeeAnne to my own detriment. I've always known that. It's because she allows me to see the real her and the girls only see the public persona. Over the 25+ years I've known her, she always feels safe enough to show me her private persona which is a loving, fun and sweet girl. I always want people to see that girl, but ultimately it's up to LeeAnne to show them. Her actions speak louder than my words ever will.
At Marie's cocktail, over an hour had gone by and Brandi and LeeAnne were completely ignoring each other. Like I said, the elephant in the room was sucking the oxygen and it was becoming suffocating. Here we were looking forward to a fun girl’s night out and I didn't want it to be ruined by all the tension. I could see LeeAnne on the other side of the room laughing and she seemed to be in a good frame of mind. Brandi seemed to be more of her light hearted self so I thought hey, let's all kiss and make up. Boy was I so wrong. Usually my intuition is my strong suit but not that night. When I brought LeeAnne over, Brandi started with the whole sarcastic remarks about how she should address LeeAnne since she was her elder. It all went sideways! WTH. Maybe I should have stepped in right then and stopped it, but they both had things that they needed to get off their chest. I was hoping that they would be able to respectfully air some things out and not escalate into name calling and drink throwing. Is this really my life right now? I take pride in encouraging women and bringing them together, not creating discord. This is why it's toxic to let things linger for too long. It becomes much bigger problem than it started out.
I'm a praying woman and will continue seeking God is this situation. JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!
What did you think of episode 4? You can be honest. Tweet me @TiffanyHendra