Bartending Hamsters Can Only Mean One Thing… Hamsterpump Rules

Bartending Hamsters Can Only Mean One Thing… Hamsterpump Rules

Just raise your glasses high, this squeak's for you tonight!

By Stacy Lenz

We are about to share with you the most amazing Vanderpump Rules fanfic we have ever seen. It’s got everything—drinks, dining, drama, and, uhh, hamsters!

Now, full disclosure, we do not know one lick of Japanese, but we can only assume that's exactly what the captions of these photos say. Because what exactly are you doing if you're making intricately detailed miniature bars for hamsters to sling cocktails and you’re NOT doing some sort of VPR-hamster cosplay? Like, what? Why? Who are you? Go home and leave us to make the magic happen, and by magic we mean hamsters shaking up Pumptinis.

Like any episode of Vanderpump Rules, our fanfic opens with glamour shots of the bartending staff. Please do us a solid and hum the theme song to yourself while you look at the following pictures.

Hamsters, stop what you’re doing! It’s Stassi Schroeder’s birthday! Every hamster is required by Stassi to celebrate. Should someone step out of line, Stassi has brought a Samurai sword to keep everyone in check. No one will be taking off a chunky sweater to fight in a parking lot tonight, hambro.

The birthday celebrations start off smoothly until Stassi notices that no one ordered goat cheese balls. She yells “BUT IT’S MY BIRTHDAY” until the crisis has been contained.

Stassi is quickly appeased by being offered a variety of birthday cakes.

Some more good news: James Kennedy has been rehired at SUR yet again, and good thing too, because he was planning on showing up at SUR with his DJ equipment in tow regardless of his employment status.

Kristen Doute hears James begin to DJ and she is physically taken aback with shock. She cannot get out to the back ally to smoke fast enough.

The night ends with Jax Taylor sitting alone at the bar, deep in thought. Is he feeling shame and regret for shoplifting sunglasses? Or is he simply trying to look cool to impress some lady hamsters?

Luckily, Jax’s melancholy doesn’t last long because Brittany Cartwright appears. She has finally made Jax that sandwich he’s been demanding for seemingly two seasons.

The gang’s night out at SUR ends with only slightly more drama—which clearly everyone needs to be rehashed the next day over a decadent, hungover brunch. 


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