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I Die!

Mountaha expresses her disappointment over being eliminated.

It feels so amazing, really, I’m so close and yet so far. I’m the only girl, so that’s already phenomenal. Everyone keeps asking how it feels to be the No. 1 girl. It's so weird because the whole time I’m comparing myself to the girls and now I need to beat three guys. Ahh it’s so insane, so many mixed emotions and thoughts that I can’t explain or put into words. It’s this rollercoaster. So many questions and not many answers. We wake up kinda early. I couldn’t sleep any longer just wondering if this is the finale already, if we have a photo shoot or what — we just don’t know. It’s raining and we’re sitting around the dining table just talking about this so surreal journey and feelings, thoughts, we (me and the boys) are so different and yet so alike dealing with all this craziness together.

The whole day goes by. It’s about 5 p.m. and it’s fall so it’s already dark. We get this e-mail saying we have a photo shoot tonight and models are hot, something like that. We get ready and leave the house still wondering what’s going on in this rainy evening. We get in the car and drive for about one hour. We get to this huge warehouse. It’s scary because it’s so dark, raining, and we’re in the middle of nowhere. Ahh I keep wondering what’s going on. I’m so f— happy to be here, adrenaline going through my body, and I can’t control the excitement and not knowing what’s going on. We walk in to meet Tyson and Nicole. Just when we stop in front of them, this explosion happens with fire as high as the ceiling behind them. I almost jump on Sandman (he’s standing next to me) and Branden is worse than me screaming like a little girl.  So this super cool, rock and roll photographer Clay comes in, tattoos, just cool, edgy, totally cool. We have one shot only with explosions so we have to pay attention to so many different things and all I can think about is focus, zone out, and rock a pose cause it’s only one shot. All the boys go first, then it’s me, my thoughts are: I wanna show the judges a different side of me. Cause they are so used to me being so edgy and rock and roll so it’s expected from me that I wanna show vulnerability and softness x what they usually get from me. The energy level on set is crazy, amazing, insane. I just wanna do it over and over again. So much adrenaline rushing up and down I can’t control but to scream. Love Clay, best vibe of energy ever.

The next day Nicole comes over with the books. Sandman wins the photo shoot. He acted like a totally different person, doesn’t even look like him, interesting he played just like the judges have been asking him. We all get to go to Bloomingdale’s for a job, it’s informal modeling, actually really cool. I looked so sophisticated and beautiful. In appreciation to our work, Stephanie the fashion director gives us a gift card to shop at the store for $2000 each. Yes unreal and Sandman who won the photo shoot gets $4000 and we have 30 minutes to shop. 

Awesome awesome just an amazing day. Afterwards we go to NY Model Management to meet with Cory. How perfect is that? And yes just me and all boys. I love Cory and I know he sees potential in me. So I love meeting him. We get introduced to all the agents and there’s a video from Holly to us. It feels so amazing.

The next day is catwalk and Tyson tells us it's Bond and 007 inspiration: guys in suits and me wearing Catherine Malandrino (pressure!) but I love it! And to top it all David Rolf is back to practice with all of us and make it? I’m feeling super but get kinda down when I’m told I’m wearing a wig. It’s beautiful but it’s a wig. It’s a different Mountaha, very dark brown. Oh well. Gotta love. I do but hope judges agree. The gown is gorgeous. David tells me it’s a romantic walk, glamorous, and sophisticated. We all walk, stand in front of the judges, and yes fuck everything they did like me. Unfortunately Catherine didn’t really like me with brown and somehow. Everything seems to be falling apart and my legs are shaking and I can’t stop crying and almost lose my breath. Yes I’m on the bottom with Branden and they’re so proud cause they’ve noticed how mature he’s gotten and they’re not sure how much further I can get – ridiculous, wish they had said something that really meant something. My world was falling on top of my head. I wanna scream. I can’t stop crying and can’t even say anything to them. I’ve never cried that much I think, non-stop, hysterically and sobbing, I can’t explain. My dream of winning this just ended in a matter of two minutes over an 18-year-old boy. That’s life. Seems to tragedy so why not get him to the top three even though he can’t walk the catwalk. Nothing against Branden things are very unfair a lot of times and I know the judges know what will work. I’ll be gone eventually and I’m so strong. It’s that true I will stop crying soon. I’m disappointed at myself especially because I tried something different and it could've been, was supposed to be the perfect shoot for me and instead got me out of this competition. But this is the beginning of my career, my dream, my life as a supermodel. I will become one very soon and all I can do is thank my family and God and this competition that made me stronger, a better model, a better person. And I can do much more now than I ever imagined and I’m so proud of myself and couldn’t be more thankful to everyone here that made this insane journey amazing for me! And again I’m the last girl standing so give me some credit for that!!! Best experience of my life. Love it. Do you die? I die!

I become this person that I’m so proud of. Can’t wait to travel everywhere and be a model, really love this fashion craziness the glamorous side and also the not-so-glamorous side. Love the people that helped and worked with me in this crazy and amazing journey. I have no regrets just love LOVE!

Have fun

Life is a party!

Love, Mountaha (The Brazilian Brighting Star!)

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