What Can You Do When Your Partner Refuses to Wear a Wedding Ring?

What Can You Do When Your Partner Refuses to Wear a Wedding Ring?

Shahs of Sunset couple Mercedes "MJ" Javid and Tommy Feight are fighting over this very topic. 

Tommy Refuses to Wear a Wedding Ring

Newlyweds Mercedes "MJ" Javid and Tommy Feight are stuck in an argument over Tommy's refusal to wear a wedding ring. 

And although the Shahs of Sunset couple discussed ring-wearing before the wedding — with Tommy openly admitting to MJ he wasn't going to wear one — she still wants him to display his taken status somehow. 

Taking him aside in Palm Springs, MJ questions Tommy about why he won't just wear a ring, showing the world he is married.


"I’m not gonna wear one it’s too annoying," he tells her (after complementing her butt in a bikini).

Anyway, MJ tells us, "Ever since Tommy proposed to me, he said he’ll never wear a ring. But it’s about trust, it’s about respect. He certainly does get pissed off when I don’t wear my ring."

She offers up a solution — a tattoo. Maybe her initials? Maybe "I love MJ"?

"Oh you want me to get a tattoo? Yeah, I’ll do that for sure," Tommy tells her, before making jokes about tattooing emojis on his finger instead of something meaningful. 

MJ leaves it at "get a ring."

But, he shows no signs of slapping a band on his finger anytime soon. What's MJ to do?

Prince William, Jay Z, and Donald Trump all don't wear a wedding ring. (Two of them are proven cheaters, just sayin') but, still, many faithful men refuse to wear one too. 

The New York Times has an interesting take on ringless, yet very taken, individuals. 

"Popular perception is that some men — and, yes, women too — go ringless in order to broadcast an availability that their spouses may know nothing about. And there are many who subscribe to the notion that affairs may be avoided if both sexes would simply adhere to this public signifier that they are “taken.” (Of course, this doesn’t account for those who are attracted by wedding rings precisely because they signal no possibility of a longer attachment.)" they report. "'I think they’re making a statement by not wearing one,' said Jeanne Safer, a psychotherapist in New York. 'It may unconsciously signal availability for adultery, either actually or in fantasy.'"

New York Magazine says don't be fooled, men who don't wear rings are looking for trouble ... in the form of an affair.  

"I have a friend who has had affairs with a lot of married men, and she says the reason she even talked to them in the first place was because not one wore a wedding ring. Later, after she’d slept with them, they’d tell her they were married, and when she asked why they didn’t wear rings, they all gave the same explanation: 'I just don’t like jewelry,'" one writer says. "When she told me this, she shook her head wryly and said, 'All those married women out there whose husbands aren’t wearing rings should be worried. It’s never an innocent choice.'"

Rest assured, a partner who won't sport some wedding bling isn't always a sign of a cheater. Some men or women can't wear it for work reasons (surgeon, anyone?) and others simply hate jewelry. It feels constrictive to some, and not just in the emotional sense. 

Lori Cluff Schade, PhD., says you don't always have to be concerned if your spouse doesn’t want to wear a ring.

"Like most things in social science, it depends," she says. "Research on wedding rings is sparse, but there is some interesting data. In one study by law firm Slater & Gordon, one-fifth of the 2,000 participants admitted that they took their wedding rings off after fighting with a spouse, or before going out, to attract more attention from potential alternative partners. Interestingly, males were more likely to take it off before socializing and females after a fight. Some people admitted that they didn’t want to be perceived as 'boring,' so they took off their rings to shape perceptions. One-fifth of the participants also said they perceived married men without wedding rings as not taking their marriages as seriously."

In the end, while a lack of a ring on a married person can be indicative of relationship problems, "the correlation isn’t strong enough to be compelling." "Each individual case is different," Schade says.

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